Dear gamer:

You wrote yesterday, May 15: “Today I met him.. He stated that he..  always thought I was complaining every time I mentioned what was wrong and the complaints were every other day. Because of that, he was anxious and worried every time he would call or text because he thought I’d list out complaints and blame him and that drove him away. He even told me he was so worried that I was unhappy and because of that he just kept blaming himself for it all. He believed that he couldn’t do anything to make me happy.. he was just always worried and anxious with me”-

– He was and is honest with you: what he said to you yesterday fits with what he said to you before. In your original post on this thread, May 3, you wrote: “He says he can’t open up to me and tell me what he feels bc he believes I will react a certain way.. he says that he believes we are always at odds against each other and as much as we try to fix things, things keep repeating from the past. We’ve had fights in the past”.

You wrote May 3: “I’m just blown by the fact that my boyfriend has anxiety with me”- well, no wonder he has anxiety with you: he is anxious at home because he is living with his mother with whom he is very anxious, he started a new business and he has a girlfriend that complains to him every other day, blaming him (or leading him to blame himself) for this and that, and with whom there is an at-odd relationship that includes fights.

He said on May 4, that he “doesn’t want the past to repeat”, and May 8, “he wanted to clear things up about us since he had a feeling I was upset”- still consistent with what he told you early on and yesterday, that he is “anxious and worried” about you complaining to him and fighting with him.

He told you yesterday, that “he kept blaming himself for it all”, and that fits with him telling you May 7: “He said he would do anything to make me happy and that he wanted to fix all of this mess he caused. He apologized again for wasting my time and energy, for hurting my feelings and for doing this all to me”.

In summary: if you want to get back with him, you have to stop complaining to him and fighting with him.

You wrote yesterday: “if we’re still together working this out, I’ll always worry if I’m saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. I’ll always worry if he’s anxious or worried, or even fearing talking to me”- there are ways for you to bring things up to him without complaining to him and pointing to him as inadequate, without causing him anxiety.

If you want to resume a relationship with him, you need to learn a new way of communicating with him, a peaceful, positive, non confrontational way. If you want, you can bring a topic to me that you brought up to him in the past, before the break (a complaint, a dissatisfaction on your part that led to a fight). Write to me what you said, what he said, what you said, etc., and I will show you how you could have brought up that topic to him in a different way than you did, a way that is not a complaint and that will not lead to a fight.

anita