Hi Anita,

I can really follow your reasoning. I can also see that she’s not well mentally, for sure. She ‘s had a lot of chaos in her life and can’t seem to steer herself into calmer waters.

She complains that he doesn’t move in with her in her tiny apartment full time, she hates it that he’s only with her half of the week sometimes. If they stay together, she wants the relationship to move forward: get married, have kids. He doesn’t want that in a tiny apartment the city, she refuses to live in the countryside.

For that reason they argue a lot (and according to her a lot of other things don’t go well either) and she doesn’t want to stay with him anymore. She tells him to leave and let her find her way.

He doesn’t accept a break up, because he’s so much in love with her. He would do anything for her to keep her, except move his life to the big city.

If he is so madly in love with her, why doesn’t he compromise that one thing and finds a new job in the city and buy a house together with her and merry her? He is sticking to his village just as much as she is sticking to the city. She is the one saying, “hey if you don’t want the city, then just let me go. Because I am definitely not moving to a rural place where there’s nothing for me, and we are not getting along that well anymore anyway.” She goes on dating some other guys to finally get him out of her system, he ignores that she broke up with him and starts love-bombing.

An ex comes inside your house uninvited to check if his picture is still on the wall.
Some people would say oh how romantic, others would say that’s stalking and you should call the police

An ex shows up unexpectedly at your work with flowers
Some people would say oh how romantic, others would say that’s stalking and you should call the police

An ex refuses to give back your keys and comes and goes as he wishes and leaves notes inside you house how much he loves you
Some people would say oh how romantic, others would say that’s stalking and you should call the police

An ex announces he wants to stay in your house for a month because of a project in your city and you feel you can’t refuse because all that he did for you in the past
Some people would say oh how romantic, others would say that’s stalking and you should call the police

An ex keeps acting like you are still together, just ignoring the fact that she broke up with you
Some people would say oh how romantic, others would say that’s stalking and you should call the police

And all this takes place while she is trying to move on with her live and is actively seeing other men.

I’m just wondering what is the main argument to say that she just enjoys pushing him away and seeing him crawl back to her, instead of saying that’s pretty creepy if an ex does all that.

At what point do you say about a girl that’s being harassed in he street that she just enjoys being provocative? (maybe a wrong example but you get the point?)

I totally see what you’re saying and there’s a very good chance you are absolutely right.

I’m just curious where the tipping point is between “ooooh how sweet, she must enjoy so much desperate attention from him” and “oooh that’s pretty creepy?”

Thanks again for your insights and effort to respond in such great detail