Dear Vivian:

My new thoughts this morning: you wrote yesterday: “we spent way too much time together, our entire daily routines felt almost based on the other, we did not have independent lives. Maybe it became too much.. so scared of something this deep and intimate”.

Earlier you shared about a different type of relationships, such that you had early on in your life: “They were just never there for me.. They supported me in my schoolwork a lot but never in a personal way.. my dad is quite quiet and never really tried to get involved in my personal life, my mom.. started a new job that totally consumed her, I barely saw her”.

See the difference? Your parents “were just never there for me.. in a personal way”, but your boyfriend was the opposite, always or “too much” there for you in a personal way.

So you got overwhelmed, not being used to such closeness, “something this deep and intimate”. This explains your fearful  reaction, doesn’t it?

anita