Hey,

I used to feel a bit like Jan says, that I was chasing friends. And sometimes it is more clear that you are trying to stay in touch with people who truly aren’t interested.

But I have also learned that very few people are what I think of as “connectors “, by which I mean, the pale who initiate the phone call, or organize a group to go out to dinner, etc.

I learned that some of the friends I have started in touch with best are these connectors. They sometimes feel just how you do, that they are always making the call, but not getting called back, or they are always the one organizing going out to dinner.

But I am still in touch with these people because they keep in touch! I do reach out to them, and I do think it’s clear that I enjoy being their friend, but I admit they do more work at keeping us in touch.

So you may have to be the connector for people, and understand that they appreciate it. I think many more people are NOT connectors, and rely on the connectors to keep us all tied together.

I think the people who get birthday parties organized for them might be good friends with one person who makes that effort, or maybe they just plan their own party.

I share a lot of your feelings, so I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been working on the question. Some people truly don’t want to be friends, and they will just not answer or be too busy to talk or have nothing to say, sure, drop those people.

Hope this helps!