Dear Anita
On Friday May 22nd after taking ten nyquil sleeping pills and debating whether I should reach out to someone because I was struggling so much I just wanted to fade away, I decided to reach out to my college friend and other people online and they helped, here’s what I wrote when I reached out to my college friend:
“I’m sorry for stressing you currently, but I’m just really struggling currently and think it’s too late. It feels like I’m dying. I took some sleeping pills because I was having nightmares and trouble sleeping and I was just drifting in this haze in my mind like I wasn’t real and I saw the world as if I was seeing it for the last time and I felt this surreal numbness like there wasn’t a reason to live anymore and I think that I miscalculated the sleeping pills and took more than I should. I didn’t want to tell you because I was afraid and I felt sorry about burdening you. I’m sorry for not being a perfect person. I want another chance to live again but it just seems hopeless and I find myself fading away.
I feel like an idiot. My body’s shaking and my muscles are going numb, ny eyes hurt and I just feel like there’s so much pain but part of me wants to feel something because I’m tired of feeling numb and it’s hard to type coherently (takes time as I’m shaking) and feeling dizzy
The words blur on the page and I’m struggling with staying conscious. Thr. Keyboard letters are moving.
After I took them I felt this wave of calm wash and some energy over me and I decided to work out a bit (not the best idea though) because I was feeling lightheaded. After a few dumbbell lifts though I started feeling really shaky and quesy so I went to the bathroom and started throwing up. Currently feeling really tired and pale. “
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