Dear Jason

Oh good grief. I can hardly believe what Anita has been telling you.

‘Or a traumatised girl fallen victim to another manipulative / narcissistic abuser who can’t take no for an answer and beats her up and then love-bombs his way back over and over again?’ – THIS.

This poor woman is traumatised beyond belief, probably by being raised by a very narcissistic parent. This has left her with, among other problems, an inability to assert boundaries, a fact that this creep is taking full advantage of.

The reason he wants her to live in the village where his family all live is so that he can isolate her and surround her with people who are on his side, not hers. This would have been extremely damaging for her. She probably felt this instinctively and that is why she high-tailed it to the big city. She made a big leap for freedom but, sadly, weakened and lowered her defences again in the face of his love-bombing.

He has total control over her. He knows how to manipulate her into feeling obliged to him. He knows how to make her feel unattractive and dependent on him. She cannot stand up to him in any way. He is slowly killing her spirit. She needs to change her attitude, the locks and her phone number. Period.

She is very lucky to have such a great friend in you. Please help her to get this guy out of her life and get herself into therapy. If she can’t afford therapy, there is much useful information online about narcissism and re-building self-esteem. Help her to equip herself with the knowledge she needs to defend herself against this man and to build boundaries that she can maintain against him and any other guy of this type in the future. Otherwise, she will descend into mental chaos from which she might not return.

I really hope this helps.

all the best

Jan