Hi Holly

I think five months into your relationship is not too fast to develop loving feelings for your partner and, certainly, 18 months is not too short a time for your partner to have fallen in love with you, even if he’s unable to tell you.

Most men have difficulty expressing love verbally, indeed they’re famous for it. I suggest you take his two hands in yours, look him in the eye and confidently say ‘I love you’. Then see how he reacts. If he doesn’t say it back, but smiles and says, ‘me too’ or similar and you both laugh because he’s uncomfortable but basically he’s there in the moment with you, then you’re on fairly firm ground. However, if he doesn’t smile, if he averts his eyes, drops your hands, walks away, or anything else that tells you he doesn’t love you back, accept that he doesn’t and probably never will.

In the first scenario, I suggest the two of you move forward together, but continue to live separately, and over time he should become more comfortable with verbalising his love for you. Hugs and shared loving moments count too, remember, love is an action not just words. When he does loving things for you, like fixing something for you or just being there when you need him, being reliable and trustworthy, is worth more than any number of ‘I love you’s.

In the second scenario, don’t panic. Maybe laugh gently (not at him) and say something like, ‘OK, it’s fine, but I wanted you to know that I love you. When you’re ready for a real relationship with me, you know my number. But don’t wait too long’. And leave. Not in anger, but in love. Let him know that you love him, but that you won’t be strung along any further. After 18 months, this guy knows whether he loves you or not and you have a right to know. Saying he doesn’t know is a cop out. Always remember, not making a decision is a decision in itself.

Either he will wake up and smell the coffee or it will be over. If it’s over, better now than two, three, five years down the line.

I really hope this helps you.

all the best

Jan