Hi anita,

thanks for your insight. One thing i did realiE is how sudden and intense these thoughts were and how much they scared me. Ive done some research that i think may be a great resource to everyone on this thread. I too have suffered from anxiety for most of my life and have gone to therapy for it and at times it still gets the best of me. Ive realized im more OCD than i thought. Reading through this resource was as if someone took the situation right out of my life. The fact of the matter is: an unwanted intrusive thought causes extreme worry and anxiety and distress, discomfort, embarrassment. And it usually pertains to doubts about a relationship, orientation, viruses (hello corona), life decisions etc. its important to realize it for what it is, a junk thought that crossed your mind. I think its important to turn to self love and acceptance during this time and understand why these triggers are presenting themselves in such a way. It usually is the complete opposite too ive found. Ie those that think of suicide in fact love life. In my case for example, im so in love and took the next step with my boyfriend and this is triggering my own insecurities. Its an opposite end of the continuum. I hope this resource is as helpful to someone as it was to me

https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts