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Ag

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  • #358152
    Ag
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    thanks for your insight. One thing i did realiE is how sudden and intense these thoughts were and how much they scared me. Ive done some research that i think may be a great resource to everyone on this thread. I too have suffered from anxiety for most of my life and have gone to therapy for it and at times it still gets the best of me. Ive realized im more OCD than i thought. Reading through this resource was as if someone took the situation right out of my life. The fact of the matter is: an unwanted intrusive thought causes extreme worry and anxiety and distress, discomfort, embarrassment. And it usually pertains to doubts about a relationship, orientation, viruses (hello corona), life decisions etc. its important to realize it for what it is, a junk thought that crossed your mind. I think its important to turn to self love and acceptance during this time and understand why these triggers are presenting themselves in such a way. It usually is the complete opposite too ive found. Ie those that think of suicide in fact love life. In my case for example, im so in love and took the next step with my boyfriend and this is triggering my own insecurities. Its an opposite end of the continuum. I hope this resource is as helpful to someone as it was to me

    https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts

    #358061
    Ag
    Participant

    Wow i literally just joined this website because of this thread. I have been experiencing the same thing and its terrifying. Im a step away from having a panic attack about this. I too have NEVER questioned my sexuality until about a month ago. And even the thought of it caused me sooo much distress i panicked. I have been in the most incredible relationship with a man the past two years. I fantasize about getting married and starting a family with him constantly. Its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in. I do occasionally watch lesbian porn that i will admit to. Its just more focused on the womens pleasure, its softer, more skilled. I dont do it often, perhaps once a month? I have never felt attracted to another woman to the point where i wanted her. So i cant tell if im full blown lesbian now or really its just a fantasy. Because if i really really try to imagine myself doing something with another woman im kind of disgusted. My man and i also just moved in together. But reading your post, Anja.. makes me believe that it is totally normal to suddenly question this. You speak in the way that i do, you two have great intimacy, want to proceed and start a life together.. so quite honestly it sounds like such a human thing to ask before you settle down. Is this truly the right thing for me? Really coming from your (and mine!) own insecurities about the fear of losing the relationship especially if you were gay (thanks asher!!!) Its also such a sensitive topic for people. Who u choose to be intimate with emotionally and sexually is the ultimate human need. And it seems like youre just making sure you are safe emotionally. That all your needs are met. Living with my boyfriend has heightened my sensitivity about this because i love him so much and it scares me at times. And my mind thinks of all the ways i could lose him. Being gay is one of them. Us constantly fighting and not making solutions while living together is one of them. I could go on. I also like that someone pointed put that Intrusive thoughts cause us distress and arent the truth.. that is good advice.

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