Dear anita,

I just wanted to write to you and then I saw that you had posted yesterday. Thank you for asking, I am fine. And how are you doing?

In June I visited my family, then I went back to my place. Later my mother came up north to the sea, so I went to meet her there. Sadly she has broken her leg while there. Because of that I am now at my parents place again. My father had planned to go to a work related seminar this week, so my mother asked me to come for help. Even though my father decided not to go, here I am.

Today was a productive day and I am happy, because during the times I was at my place, I felt unproductive. This morning I went for a walk to the forest. It was such a beautiful morning. For a while I sat by a brook to write in my diary. Later I even saw a common kingfisher. Then, I saw a big stone in the middle of the river. I waded through the water to get there. Then I sat at the stone, letting my feet cool in the water. In moments like these, I feel the most alive and in tune with myself.

Sometimes I think that I want to live at the countryside and even move back to the east again. The life in the city seems so stressful.

After I came home, I cooked food for everyone. Then, I showed my brother how to clean the bathroom. I am happy that we get along so well and wish we could live closer together. Later I decided to clean the kitchen. And I was reminded that my mother is almost a hoarder. She keeps old wax from used candles or has a whole shelf of plastic bags… I was amused and poked a bit fun at her. The best thing was a box of old icecream sticks and toothpicks (used, I think). And I asked her: “What do you need that for?” She said she could use it to burn in a bonfire. I was laughing with her and she said when I asked about her things “You never know what you could use that for!”

It feels good to get something done, but tommorrow I also want to get some drawings done…

Yes, I was in a bit of a rut. At the moment I am also feeling a bit anxious. Lately different men approached me. But I did say no to all of them. But because of that, my loneliness became more clear to me and I was wishing to find a partner, yet unable to make a change. Also, I got some paranoid thoughts because of those men. And a second thing is that a woman from the last dormitory wrote to me. It increased my anxiety more. The fear that people think badly of me came back. I am so glad that I do not live there anymore. I am thankful for my current roommates, that accept me as I am.

Hope you have a good Sunday!

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Lily.