I don’t remember any direct details from any of my parents fights except very vague memories. I remember a time, not even sure what age I was at, standing at my parents door listening to them scream at each other, I remember crying, feeling as if it was my fault, because a lot of the fights I believe involved their ways of parenting me. I don’t remember exactly what I felt, as I can’t think back to my feelings much before the age of around 14-15. I remember my mom talking to me about their fights even from a young age, about how horrible and mean and angry my dad was, even though me myself didn’t directly experience his anger as far as I know or can recall.

I was mostly in trouble for various normal reasons, such as messy rooms, bad grades, attitude towards my parents, talking back, defying their wishes, such as talking to boys or texting and making social media accounts when I was not supposed to. When I was a bit older I remember my mom and I often screaming at each other when I reached my teens for things like missing curfew, not doing as well in school, etc. and the only direct thing I can remember saying from these fights is something to the extent of “you only punish me for the bad things I do, you never tell me you’re proud of me for anything.” Thinking back, I know at the time I felt as if things like doing good in school, making great friends, winning awards was the norm, it wasn’t to be praised, it was just what was expected. Saying this, I realize now I get down on myself for this reason specifically after graduating high school, I feel as if because I’m not doing anything particularly spectacular, I am not doing good in life at all.