Hi Nate,

Mate, kudos for you getting back out there after 10 years! Also may sound strange to say this but well done on walking away from someone you love and not settling for friendship when you are aware of your feelings, that takes courage, bravery, strength, and self-worth.

I will give you my perspective having been in a similar situation but as the one who was “wishy-washy” and from my current partner’s perspective as I discussed this with her when we reconciled.

I’ll keep my backstory brief, I had a very toxic past relationship, and when I finally stumbled across a wonderful woman, what did I do? I royally cocked it up after she showed compassion, care, support, patience, and the love I had been missing all along. Due to my past, fear took hold and instead of facing it. I ran, self-sabotaged allowed my brain to convince me I would get attached, she would walk away, she deserved better, she wasn’t right for me, etc. A concoction of negative thoughts, so I treated her badly or at least not how she deserved.

Like yourself, my current partner assessed that even with all the love she had to give it was not enough for her. So she let me go and gave me space. In that space, I took the time to work on myself and we reconciled. I asked her why she gave me another chance, she said she had always felt the connection and knew if I had too, I would return, however she loved herself also to know when to walk away and not invest more, she kept dating. I got lucky that the timing was right when we reconciled.

So if you love her, set her free which you have done and if she values you and the connection is as real as it seems, she will go away and do the work on herself and return. Many people say there is plenty of fish in the sea, there is but I understand as you become older you realise it is very difficult to connect in a deeper and more meaningful way with people, it is rare to find those instant bonds, so I can see why you are wanting to invest further but you have done your part and deserve a relationship where your needs are met.

If you are meant to be, let her do the work to overcome the baggage by herself. If you ever reconcile it will be a much healthier and stronger relationship. Past baggage needs to be left behind not dragged into and projected onto a new relationship, otherwise, it is a recipe for disaster and as you have seen the relationship is doomed before it has begun.

I would as difficult as it has been take her word, and keep searching. Do not become fixated on false hope. If someone wants you enough they will come and find you and do the work. If it happens it will, but never put your life on hold for someone who is not currently willing to do the same for you.

Good Luck mate!