Hi Rae,

You’d mentioned that your husband changed when he lost his job and that you two have gone through couples counseling. Has your husband gone through any individual counseling? I have to wonder if part of him is depressed because of the career loss. Sometimes if a man highly values being a provider, that loss can create some depression and extreme unhappiness in general that they don’t particularly know how to fix, so they just start thinking they need a new life and decide to change EVERYTHING. I’ve read a lot on this and relationships are usually the first things to go. If he hasn’t sought individual counseling, the issue might still be something in him that needs addressed, that he thinks it’s something YOU need to change, but it might really be something inside himself that he’s projecting onto you.

With that said, this isn’t something that you can fix, and I would still work on breaking the attachment you have with him, accepting what is at the current time, and preparing to separate just because there’s no guarantee that he’ll figure anything out with regard to himself or that it’s even the real issue. Be gentle with yourself too. There’s no timeline for healing. The best thing you can do is use this time to focus on all of the things you’d like to do or learn to do, pick up some fun new hobbies that you love to do, get out with friends, and take good care of yourself, because it’s self-care that’s going to get you through this.