Dear beinghuman1:

You shared that you are Malaysian-American and your boyfriend is Indian-American. He and his parents have been living in the US for over 14 years, you and him live separately in one state while his parents live in a different state. He told his parents positive things about you and that he loves you, but they have “high reservations” about the relationship because you are not Indian, right from the beginning of when he told them about you.

You were hoping for their change of hearts after your boyfriend sent to them a photo of you cooking and after having briefly met his mother through Skype, but the other day your boyfriend talked to them about marrying you and “they were completely against it”, saying that you are not a right fit for him. And your boyfriend told you “that his mother had been physically ill this entire week as a result of worrying so much about us”.

You wrote about his parents: “they’re very caring of him and love him greatly. They want what’s best for their son”, and that he told you that “his happiness was their top priority”-

I don’t believe that the above two sentences are true;  I don’t think that his happiness is his parents’ top priority- not in the context of his future marriage. They are not thinking about his happiness in this context, but their happiness. They want him to marry an Indian woman of their liking (not his),  and that’s all there is to it.

In yet other words: they are willing to hurt him so to achieve what is convenient for them. His mother complaining that she’s been physically ill the entire week is most likely a lie and it is her attempt to make her son feel guilty and therefore, to cause him to break up with you (so that his mother will not be physically ill anymore). Mothers lying in order to guilt trip their children (of minor age and adult age) is very, very common.

It’s not about his parents being loving or strict, it’s about them being selfish, self centered and self serving, and willing to go about it dishonestly. Unfortunately, their son is not  likely to view them this way, but see them in the best possible way, attributing good motives to their actions.

It doesn’t look good to me, when (referring to your screen name), being Indian is way more important to his parents, than being human. Please post again if you would like to communicate with me further.

anita