Hey all,

@Tim that’s ok, I can’t expect you at my beck and call. Sorry for being impatient, but I was a bloody saint with my ex. One of my many negs! I was having a tough day because my ex’s sister got engaged, we were quite close and she did reply to my congratulatory message but I expected more I was once part of their lives and now I’m reduced to nothing.  You are right in the sense I’m trying to rush to a place where I’m stable because I have no idea where to go, who I am anymore. The more I think. the more I sink probably why I resort to the alcohol.

I need a proper buddy and it would be unfair to put that on you and Shelby. Although I would definitely appreciate your advice as well as a conversation to aid my loneliness. I am wary though, what if I begin developing a co-dependency. What is your view on that?

I have asked my best friend, she was unaware of how much I was drinking and it felt like a relief to share it and she is very firm. I wasn’t being sarcastic about my toasting, but that has made me see I need proper professional advice.

I’m sorry for being the female equivalent of a male chauvinistic pig. I can see some of my angst I release on you and I’d prefer it if you were not so nice and rather just gave me tough love. It is what I need I think.

I liked what you wrote to Lucie about victimisation. I do feel lately I am being more self pitiful. It makes me angrier with myself and so another cycle continues. So fucking tired of shit!

@Shelbyville,

Firstly you are right I am a self-aware person but why can I not muster enough strength to act on it? What is wrong with my willpower? I see all my stupid mistakes! Do you believe it is wrong to act on your emotions, in truth, I am avoiding therapy because I’ve seen a lot of people come out of it just over aware and everything becomes an over-analysis of each and every decision, I would want enough insight to not ruin future relationships like Tim offers but I wouldn’t want so much knowledge where I assess a person rather than let things happen as they should naturally. I am a bit skeptical about spending so much money on a therapist, at what point do they become a crutch too? I do feel they draw out info slowly and sometimes just want to rehash your childhood? Not everything is rooted in childhood, is it? I was a very confident person before I fell in love, I loved myself and would have often done the rejecting. Maybe it is just karma?

I like the idea of pushing the body to detox, maybe walks will clear my head and have me reaching for water. Maybe I can set goals to work towards that seems like a good idea. Thanks

Also, to both Tim and Shelby what did you do with your mutual ex-friends and ex-family? Delete and block too? Does that help you move on better?

Sucks you had a panic attack @Shelbyville, what is causing it? Is it your ex still or work?

Also soz for us all jumping to conclusions about you having caught feelings, again that selfish hope if Shelby can do it, I can too. It’s amazing how our brains can fill information from the snippet of information we read, the friend you described previously sounded amazing and like a gem, like someone who was always there and cared for you and I thought maybe like Tim mentioned you may have begun to have high expectations, as you mentioned this yourself once too but when you add all the above then it becomes clear he continually lets you down and you don’t want someone like that. Urgh, men! Bet he went flaky when he knew he wasn’t getting some! Probably doing what most men do in the friend zone biding their time.

Your new attitude is totally motivational, go for it even if shit hits the fan, so much of it flying around anyway !!