Dear Anita,

It’s okay to call me either tania or nia. It’s okay. Maybe because some of problem that have some of repeated pattern.. kind of fell in the same hole..

That’s true.. the words “your face just like your mother and it’s remain me about what she’s done” and maybe some of my words to answer that he claimed same as my mom’s style. Even though i never hear her single word. Except before she left me. And that time my memories also nothing right? Because i just a little girl that can’t talk and don’t understand about adult talk.

Actually i didn’t aware about this.. but now i realize how hurt that time i hear my dad said that words. I didn’t think my dad betrayed my loyalty.. That time i just feel hurt and blamed my mom why she left us. And bring me to this situation of family. Feel lonely even my dad always beside me.. i don’t know why.. i really didn’t awarw that those things is the cause of my mental illness now..

Sometimes my dad also mad at me because of some chores that i didn’t do. And mad like i deliberately didn’t do it. He sometimes like accuse me and when i answer, he always said that  i just said an excuses.. sometimes that thing also make me feel tired in my home.

But i still love my dad and hope he always healthy. In days before he passed away, he hug me so tight and said that he love me so much and always want to be with me forever. And that’s what i remember in this whole years without him..

I didn’t realize that i need professional help to do psychotherapy..  and actually I’m not familiar with psychology things..