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Tania

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)
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  • #344042
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    If u didn’t understand about facebook etc its okay anita.. let me explain about my thought.. i just didn’t understand and curious. Why is third party send “her post about feeling” to my husband.

    Thanks anita for undestanding me.. i hope someday i can be like u.. can transform wisely.

    For now, in my side, 9 AM. He work at home because of office’s policy bout corona pandemic. And i still go to work because my office haven’t announce any policy bout corona.

    Thank you anita

    #344032
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I thought its referring to 1.. i don’t know exactly. But that post(like story on Instagram) will be deleted automatically and i cant ask him anymore bout that content..

    Thank you anita

    #344024
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Its not her that sent the article. But. She post the article on her social media. Then, their colleague(another person), send that feed to my husband.

    The article said : keep distance from someone you love. Because that person love someone else.

    Thank you anita

    #343884
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Should i ask him to get explanation? But i just thought he will still said he didn’t like her, just friend. But i thought friend will not be like this right..? And he just said “it’s up to you if you didn’t believe me”

    And it will become more hurt for me.

    Do you think he lie to me..?

    Thank you anita

    #343882
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    May i ask about my projected feeling..?

    This day i saw his colleague send my husband, her post that repost from article that wrote inside “sosial relationship : keep distance from someone you like. Because that human’s heart is not for u”

    I just asking myself.. why his colleague sent him that post..? Is that because he like her but she didn’t like him. This dark side come up again… my breath feel hard and i feel hurt.. i don’t want him to like someone else.. i know its selfish, i cant control this..

    Thank you anita

    #343152
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Is this all my feeling problems is caused by my mom..?

    Actually i dont really understand about this part :”If you become aware of your original pain, if it comes up from underneath, bit by bit, the pain will lessen and lessen over time”

    How to make the original pain comes up..?

    Is that okay if I’m not seeing the psychotherapist for this time..? Could u please help me to aware of my original pain..?

    Do you thought that i feel low self esteem, etc is because of my mom..? Btw, actually my mom left us when i was still a toddler.. around 4 years old.. i can’t remember her face, and didn’t want to see her picture. So.. for several years, i didn’t know where she is, how is she, and her face. Until oneday, after my Father passed away, i met her. She cried when looked at me, but i don’t know i cant cry..

    Years by years without her, i feel really hate her. Some family, siblings, etc ask me, “do you want to see ur mom” and my answer always the same.. “No”

    My father’s family also always blame me if my house is dirty, i can’t cook, i can’t take care of my father, etc.. actually i also didn’t look like another girl, that have cute stuff a lot, that have hairstyles and cosmetic etc, I’m still feminime, but i looked didn’t do self care. And sometimes i don’t  understand the way to do self care/girly stuff. Even when my father passed away, he is really skinny. And his sisters that is my aunty, rather blame me, she said that i can’t really take care of my dad. Even though, i’ve tried my best to take care of him.. every day i always worried and don’t want to see him suffering.. for me, my Dad is everything.. i always put him as my first priority. my life before is really dark i think.. my Dad’s economy also not really good but still enough luckily.. so, those days, we concern about money more than another thing else.

    Until after my dad passed away, someone told me, if i forgive my mom, my future will be more good. Healthy also for my psychology. When i was at home, i pray.. that day i really forgive her.

    I hope i can be cured Anita.. i want to be normal.. to think normally and wisely..

    Thank you Anita.

    #343096
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I feel so blessed to have someone that being ready to hear me. Thank you so much Anita. It’s rain here and i hear instrumental piano music right now. I feel so lonely, sometimes i hope i can just writing some stories or articles about this life, about being productive.. but i feel not good enough. Because i still can’t move on from the jealously and insecurity feeling.. i still struggle about how to caring myself, loving myself.. it’s not really easy.. because i always want and hope anybody’s else care..

    Today i saw his photos with his colleagues.. i saw him standing besides her.. only that thing, drove me crazy.. the jealously came up again. He looks like really happy in that photo. I don’t know why.. only the thing like this, can make me really uncomfortable and insecure. I even thought about how he treats her when they are at office together.. i know everybody can’t guarantee about their couple.. but i worried a lot. I know that this projected feeling is unnecessary.. but for practice not caring these things is still not easy for me..

    How to cure this all.. i feel like this is a disease. To find the other hobbies is hard for me.. i feel like *sadness* in the “inside out” movie.. my heart always feeling blue and i didn’t have any spirit to do anything..

    I can’t find my own emotional pain..that u call it original pain.. maybe it’s because habitual in my life..

    Maybe i just write here about what’s going on in my life before..

    I always feel lonely.. even when my Dad  was still alive that time.. even i have some friend, some bestfriend whose care about me.. and now, i feel like nobody in this world as good as my Dad.. nobody love me as much as my Dad.. and i feel my mom never care about me. She always worried about her new family and children. But i don’t really thing about that. Because i already forgive her, about left us behind.

    After my Dad passed away, i can’t trust anybody. I can’t tell everything to others. I became more introvert. But i still can be friendly and cheerful, even my heart feel empty inside. Sometimes i could be frustrated and thought what’s my life purpose. What i suppose to do.. and when i hear, read and look at another people life, i thought it’s so complicated as my life before and i ask myself, why.. what is the real meaning of being alive.. it’s just work, get money, sometimes do some charity, hang out with friends,etc. Sometimes i don’t know why, but i feel those all is boring..

    Thank you Anita

    #342372
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’m not really worried about homeless or something like that. Because I’ve been through those all when my Father passed away.. so that’s why, when that thing u called dark mode in my heart came up, it’s feels really hurt and make me don’t wanna live.

    i know in this world, there are so much another beautiful things.. but I don’t know why i still always look at him and all of my thought just for him. I think he is the number one of my priority. Actually he said i also the number one for him. But why sometimes my heart feels I’m not always the number one of his priority…

    for this several days, when I didn’t post here, i tried to focus on another thing and busy on my task(at workplace).. but yesterday, when he told me that he has reunion with his friends, and he didn’t ask me to accompany him. I ask, “normally u ask me to accompany u.. why this time u did different..?” He said because there are only men. And he mentioned her name, that she didn’t get invite.
    The time i hear he mentioned her name, i flashback again and remember all of his chat for her.. i just thought.. “whatever i tried to tell him that I jealous, etc.. the fact, he still can chat her.. even he said from that time he stop, but my pain still here.. still can’t forget..”

    this all of my thought.. i know it looks like I’m selfish,etc.. but i write here because i want to change my thought.. rewire everything. Healing my pain..

    Thank you Anita..

    #341350
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I really hope i could survive with all of this… sometimes it feels hard, because to fill this hole with another activity, feels slow. And i struggle in these few days. i don’t know why.. inside my heart, i still wish someone will really care to me and so do i. But i will still do ur advice even it’s so hard..

    Yes, it is. No one can guarantee about her husband… so thats why i used to become possessive and really affraid to lose him.. but now i realize… no matter what we did, if it’s his intention, he will do.. for now i just can hope and pray..

    Thank you so much for helping me and make me made some progress.. ur advice is very meaningful for me.

    #341054
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I still can’t forget him from my thought.. when he didn’t chat me from morning until lunch.. I tried hard to not think about what he did or he didn’t.. but it’s always in my thought.. it’s torture me.. feels like he didn’t care to me,etc. it’s feels real. Plus I remember his care and his aggressive in chat with her..

    But this time i choose to keep silent and try to focus myself to another thing… and i post here also..

    Thank you Anita

    #341040
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Sorry for late reply. Okay Anita, I’ll always re-read.  :)</p>
    You alright Anita.. nobody is perfect. Do you think that I’m too jealousy person? Could i cure this mess Anita..? Do you think when i cure this emptiness inside my heart due to my parents diforce, i could be less jealousy..?

    Thank you for being ready to always listen my post and emptiness feeling..

    why i don’t know about this web years ago.. i hope i could change myself before this all happen.. because he is already feel that i always cause our problem, he is already feel that I’m possessive (like it’s already embedded in his heart and thought).

    These few days, i learn to loving him without judgment or without hoping nice reply from him.. i still learn to cure myself..

    I also think that it’s useless for suspect him or possessive to him.. because how hard i try to know about him and being possessive, if he had intention, he will do it no matter what.. we can’t prevent those thing, can we? So why i wasting this whole time for think about it.. am i right Anita..?

    I already remember when i was a child, this emptiness already exist and i often feel lonely.. sometimes i went to my yard, sat down there and looked into the sky. Actually i also the introvert person and really hard for me to be doing something “friendly” thing or taking care for other people. So that’s  why i always feel amazed at the figure of someone who can take care another people naturally..

    Thank you Anita

    #340642
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    *The part that u didn’t understand, I’ll re-explain it more. 🙂

    -> Re-read : When he is at home, he always do anything that he love (like ignore me), most of time he waste by playing his game. I feel he did that because he bored at me.. Even though, he chat another girl that he will be bored if she didn’t come to office.

    Yes he did it when we were still dating. He said to me that he can’t be romantic. He treat me just the way he is, completely no mask, nothing he covered up from me.. no romantic dinner, no formally anniversary celebration, no surprise gifts. But he likes to hug and kiss me a lot when we dated. After married, he still hug and kiss me, but not as much as he used to. Sometimes, those things that make me worried also. I feel also that he could not really talking to me use heart to heart.

    Actually the fact is she still single anita..

    * –>another part that u didnt understand is about this..

    Re-read : She said that she will take a day off that day. Then in chat, he said :”oh tomorow will be boring. Please come to the office tomorrow” then she said :”witney(another colleague) will come to the office” he said “it’s different, i want to tell u what happen yesterday” –> i guess he want to tell her that i and him fight the night before.

    He admit to me that he ever told her about our married problem at least 2/3 times and he said he was wrong and he will not do that again..

    He didn’t say to me Merry Christmas.. he never give me greeting for special events like that. I don’t know why..

    Umm.. about how he treat me before..  since we dated, for me he is not a romantic person, sometimes easy to be angry.. but he still care about me, he never let me go or he also will never go even i encounter hard time, sometimes he buying something for me (everything that i like such as books, bags, etc) – he is not rich but he always spent his money for me without i asking, buy some food that i like mostly for boost my mood. The only one his lack is i can’t really feel talk with him use heart to heart.. i mean, he don’t like to talk about such as express feeling, he just measure anything using his logic, etc. I don’t know, is the logical men always like that?

    And if ur question is he treat me more attentively, generously than he does now. My answer is sometimes and depend on the situation.. for example,before we married, after we fight, he often come to me and hug me, or when we were on seperate place, he call me for ending the problem with some calm talk.. sometimes he shows his aggravation with pinch my cheek.. but after married, days after days, months after months we’ve been through.. he didn’t do that thing again.. he let the situation still not good and just say “just hurry sleep, I’m tired..”

    Honestly,  i can’t controlled my mind yesterday.. i just ask him.. why are u marrying me? Are u feel bored at me..? Then accidently i mention about his chat that he bored when she didn’t come to the office. He looks confused about what i talking about and swear that he never feel like that. Then he said maybe it’s just joke to her. Then i said that i want to change not too posesive, but he should chat with me more intimate. Then after that, he become angry.. he looks dissapointed because i always mention about it.. he feels that he already did intimate chat/if he didn’t he want me to chat him also. Then he said again that he doesn’t like this topic and he also doesn’t have any feeling to her, he just assume her as friend. Then the environment become cold and he really angry.. i feel guilty also, why i can’t refrain myself, my brain from those thought. I already promise him that I won’t mention and ask about his feeling again, because he said it’s also hurt him.. i don’t know and don’t understand, i just want to make sure.. thats my intention, only want to make myself relieved.. why he feels hurt..? But i already promise him.. I should try and make sure that it won’t happen again.. ?

    *I’m sorry i don’t really understand about ur last paragraph.. maybe make it clearly or use example so i can understand what does it mean..

    Thank you Anita..

    #340450
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita..

    I also want to add this.. his past chat.. that he ask her, is she come to the office? He said that it’ll be bored if she didnt come. And when she said there’s another friend. He said its different.. he said that he cant tell the story of his(cofide, but not about confess love) -> i guess its maybe when we fight the night before..

    When its christmas, he also chat her and give greeting. That he never did that to me or anyone else.. i thought before, that he is cold and usual to do that. But after i know that he treat her like that, it change my perpective bout him..

    He even never say happy anniversary to me if i didnt remind him.. i could be crazy to think about this all..

    I confused.. every i ask him and he can swear that h didnt like her. But why he treat me like this..?

    He said he will be bored if she didnt come to the office. Besides at home when im there, he choose to play game instead of treat me so well. Sometimes he come to me, but most of time, he love himself doing anything he love..

    I feel really sad right now.. dont know what should i do..

    I feel hurt again n again.. i know i should not open it again.. but i want to know the truth.. he didnt really often to tell his felling to me.. i dont know why.. is he feel that he got bored with me..? Then why he marrying me..? Is that because he know the fact that he will not be with her?

     

     

    #340378
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    “Unfortunately, ur husband can’t fill that hole…” is that because of he can’t or even if my husband is different person, is that also can’t fill the hole (i ask this not because wanna blame him, but i curious)? Is the problem : the part that empty of my heart..?

    This day i feel down again.. I’ve re read ur answer, the other side of my heart still hurt and it’s also triggered when my husband didn’t chat me continuously and excitedly.. he just say something that i called “sending report”

    Even i told him i don’t like it. I also want to change not to be possessive anymore. I don’t know why he still do this to me.

    His figure for me : when at chat, he could be cold and reapeadly his word day by day. When he besides me, he could be really nosy and never shame to show me about anything he is, he could show his love by buying me something i love (but its not for a surprise), i thought when he with his friends, he could also tell the fact (he always tell the fact, even it’s not a good news for them)

    U said that if he like or feel her special, he will impress with expensive stuff (chocolate, etc) and didn’t tell that she fatter. He could do that to me also actually. He could make a joke to me like that, such as “wow thats a good chair, u definitively like it. But i don’t have those money” or “hooouu u become fatter”.

    And how about “is she married?” I answer she is still single.. i still curious why u ask about her status.. is that could influence ur answer before..?

    I really hope he could keep on his promise..

    Because in my heart it still wedge up. Since we can’t control others mind and feeling..

    Thank you Anita..
    <p style=”text-align: right;”></p>

    #340232
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I don’t mind if u grammatically editing mine, because I also still learning english. Hehe. U alright.. when my mother leave, i was still a child, i also can’t remember her face until i was at my 18 i met her again. Before that, i was so angry and every hear anyone called “mother”, i’ll react like I don’t care, I don’t want to hear or sing a song about mother, but in the deep of my heart, i wanna have mother love too. Her attention too. Her softness and her figure.
    Thats why, now I can’t really serve people, and worried how to treat my child in the future. I also don’t understand well, how to serve husband and how to take care my little family, because in the deep of my heart, i realize that i still want and need attention..

    Back to my husband, his friend is still single actually. She is good looking and some men like and chase her also.

    “You can continue to talk to your husband from time to time about your jealousy…”
    I have.. but sometimes he looked like bored or just say “u still disscuss about this. I’ve told u”. I’ll try ur advice to not accusatory and not very emotional..

    Thank you so much for letting me deliver my feeling here. It’s helping me so much. I can sleep well after read ur explanation yesterday(in my time). And my hurt is slowly cure, i can look at the positivity again.

    God Bless U Anita 🙂

    • This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by Tania. Reason: Html tag disturb
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 20 total)