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Tania

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)
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  • #367404
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’ve asked him about his intention. Few days ago. He apologize and said that he was wrong and it’s just like entertainment for him..

    I asked:”why you didn’t play with me instead of watching them?”

    He said because it’s different. It’s just entertainment.. that doesn’t mean im not interesting..

    And for several days until our discussion, i became worse. And told him that he is lucky because i didn’t decide anything worse such as leave him or suicide..

    Then i don’t know why, few days after the day we disscuss about this problem, he told me new reason. That he knew that i was spy on him and he just wanted to make me exploded and it’s done. But he didn’t expect my reaction become so grieve.. Actually hear this reason make me feel angry also. Since he knew im pregnant now and didn’t know is that reason real? Or just for make me change my grieve. The only one thing i wanted him when he knew that i spy on him is he stop. But he become more malignant. And he said for the first time his pure reason creating new account is just wanted to see sexual actress…

    As you know before.. i can’t easily let this all go.. but i can’t do anything.. i don’t want my child feel the same as me when i was child..

    About your input.. i have asked for quality psychoteraphy on early september before this all exploded.. i was thinking about your advice before and found psychoteraphy online.. but they scheduled me on last of october. That drives me crazy especially i knew this all in the middle of september.. i feel i wanted to do that quality psychoteraphy as soon as possible..

    Thank you Anita..

    #367001
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Jenny,

    Thank you so much for the advice.. i will try to keep faith and pray.. i hope can find the way to be better situation and future.. just really hope for miracle and maybe this all is the moment can change my mind and my future.. for now maybe as you said.. im really hopeless.. even though my baby inside me. I feel guilty for what i feel now.. I don’t want my baby feel this pain also..

    #366998
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Sorry for asking you question that impossible to answer.. i’m really frustated anita.. my parent’s deforce is my darkness moment. But why now i should face these moment..

    1. He didn’t know that i knew.. but he also ever showing his porn video to me.. but he didn’t know that i knew he regularly watch much video secretly.

    2. First, He didn’t know that i knew.. but i think now he is more careful with that account. And he even deleted the account. I don’t know is that mean he knew or not.

    3. I have my own ways to know it. Without him knowing. As long as i careful with that.

    #366984
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Do you think there was no love that left in his heart for me today?

    Was he act that he love me?

    I think those thing still impossible for now..

    I’m alone and there’s no one besides me except him..

    And also social status that will judge me if we are deforce..

    And the traumatic feeling.. i don’t know how to heal aftee seperated from him.. i think another man is also as bad as him..

    I’m frustated now.. i can’t sleep.. even i sleep, those things still inside my brain and left pain in the middle of sleeping..

    I wasn’t ready for this all…

    #366967
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Sorry for very late reply..

    For these weeks i just shock Anita..

    1. Everything i know before is just a tiny little information.. now i know more than that day.. i thought he is loyal to me. But do you know, instead of him watch porn regularly, now it’s become bigger. He create secret social media account and chated another girl. That i think that girl is not his type.. but i don’t know why he chated her… i feel really dissapointed this time. But i decide to keep silent for a moment. The hurt i feel is so deep and i don’t know how to heal it..

    What should i do anita..? There’s a baby inside my womb.. why he have the heart to do it.. even he didn’t meet the girl, but in my thought. The chance for him to cheat is big.. i don’t know how many woman that he chated before this.. i feel i can’t trust anyone anymore… in front of me, he tried to manipulate everything that look like he loved games. But behind me, he did that.  Can’t give me attention by words, but he tell that girl that she is cute.

    I think anythink at point 2 until 5 is not really matters anymore. This thing is really destroy my heart..

    Help me please Anita…

    #365738
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for trying to learn who is H.. I know i still trap in projected love.. And wanna to share to you about anything i know about H.

    H is not romantic type of guy and didn’t want to change. And i will not ask him anymore to change.. i worried it will give him more pain. His type of love language is giving service and gift. As i make a conclusion from all of what he usually does. He can help me wash the dishes, wash clothes and clean the bathroom, cut fruit for me. Especially when i pregnant.

    He didn’t like to talk about heart things.. because for him anything is just okay. I think he never feel our relationship ever like broke or didn’t complete etc. Because for him he is love me enough. And he will getting angry if he know that sometimes i feel lonely and need more love. What he will do is angry, because he feels i never grateful of anything he gave to me. But my intention is not like that. I just feel empty inside and maybe it’s because my past situation of my live..

    So in his logic, he think i always feel less. He think he give me anything. His time, his attention. But he see me like i feel it’s a small thing and want more. And he didn’t like me to always feel like that or ask him to give me more hug, more kiss. I just know that he didn’t really like more hug and kiss. He said that and mention about his family, if i didn’t believe him, i can ask his family. And he doesnt like when i talking and compare him now and past time.. i don’t know why.. is that wrong thing? It’s  the same him right? I didn’t compare him with another guy. But i think i will stop because it will make us fight again..

    Hmm yes.. i think he is like me to be in the background while he does anything. With sometimes talking with me about what’s he seen and what’s attract his attention. and talking about funny thing sometimes.

    My attention still on him. Really much. And i feel really bad about it Anita.. i don’t know why i feel those things.. ‘Feeling lonely, unattended to, unlove, feeling jealous, suspicious’.. what do you think anita..? Because my suspicious about his behaviour of watching porn regularly behind me, is make me really bad.. I never get any serious complain about my body etc.. but now when i knowing what he is doing, make me think what’s my lack..?

    But besides his bad habit, he still love me and take care of me.. so i feel, am i too emotional or too sensitive..? Or should i decide to think that everyone has his darkness desire? And it’s his darkness habit..

    I just didn’t want to mention it for this time.. because i think.. it’s useless.. even i talk seriously about that thing, but if he didn’t feel it’s wrong and didn’t think and didn’t feel it will affect to his love and care to me, i think he will still find another way to do those secret things..

    What do you think anita…?

     

    #365651
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes i do. I think i need your advice about therapist or psychology things… now i don’t know what actually disturbing my mine.. and how to heal this all. Because i think, I’ve created like this for a long time. And people around me didn’t realize it. Because sometimes i cheerful in front of them and i always smile. But deep inside myheart is like always blue.. easy to feel inferior or insecure.

    Btw anita.. i wanna share to you about something that make me really shock and feel really dissapointed…

    I don’t know.. is all husbands in this world doing that things..?

    I found out.. that my husband always opening porn web.. and i just knowing that he made a new social media to follow sexual woman..

    I feel really beaten by this thing. You know my husband never hit me, but he always talk roughly when he was angry.. i think it’s just his character.. and at least he love me, i think it’s okay. Because he is not a gambler, not a drinker, not a smoker. But i didn’t know that porn is the most thing that feel his head.

    I feel really dissapointed anita.. i don’t know whom i can talk with. About this.. except you… because i too much shame to tell about husband’s habit.. but this is too much pain anita.. what should i do..?

    I thought “am i less satisfying to him?”

    He never give me time to talk about “feeling things” or just discussion to fix each other..

    I became less and less believe in him anita…

    I don’t want my marriage become worse..

    #365414
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s okay to call me either tania or nia. It’s okay. Maybe because some of problem that have some of repeated pattern.. kind of fell in the same hole..

    That’s true.. the words “your face just like your mother and it’s remain me about what she’s done” and maybe some of my words to answer that he claimed same as my mom’s style. Even though i never hear her single word. Except before she left me. And that time my memories also nothing right? Because i just a little girl that can’t talk and don’t understand about adult talk.

    Actually i didn’t aware about this.. but now i realize how hurt that time i hear my dad said that words. I didn’t think my dad betrayed my loyalty.. That time i just feel hurt and blamed my mom why she left us. And bring me to this situation of family. Feel lonely even my dad always beside me.. i don’t know why.. i really didn’t awarw that those things is the cause of my mental illness now..

    Sometimes my dad also mad at me because of some chores that i didn’t do. And mad like i deliberately didn’t do it. He sometimes like accuse me and when i answer, he always said that  i just said an excuses.. sometimes that thing also make me feel tired in my home.

    But i still love my dad and hope he always healthy. In days before he passed away, he hug me so tight and said that he love me so much and always want to be with me forever. And that’s what i remember in this whole years without him..

    I didn’t realize that i need professional help to do psychotherapy..  and actually I’m not familiar with psychology things..

    #365348
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He said it’s just actress that played in some films and he is kind of fans. Just as simple as that. And he tell me to shouldn’t jealous. He said it’s just an actress. And he feels weird  why i jealous. He said I’m too exagerating.

    Am i anita..?

    #365333
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    1. Yes, u’re alright.. he will know if i ask.. and i didn’t ask him though..

    2. I’m so sorry that i make u remember about what’s you’ve struggle childhood..

    How could i re-live and repair my childhood moment anita..? For now i still feel easy to feel sad, envy, jelous etc.. but my intention is not for hurting other people.. 😭 i just feel i haven’t met my original me yet..

    And..

    I wanna ask something that make me think a lot anita..

    These days.. after our marriage, i don’t know exactly when.. but i look at my husband social media, and he following pretty acctress and sometimes liked their photos..

    I feel really jealous anita.. i always hate when i looked him scrolling his social media. Look another girls, even thats an actress.. i really fell uncomfortable and i think that darkness came up again.

    It’s  feels like.. really gloomy.. and i wanna ask him..” whats wrong with me? Why you do this? We’ve married and you have a wife. Why you still look at another girl..”

    Am i wrong anita? Am i too jealous about this?

    #364442
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Is that the reason why sometimes i just feel badmood or feel lonely…?

    I always feel blue inside my heart.. but i always can’t find the cause… sometimes i feel sad with no reason then look at the sky and sometimes listened to the music..

    It’s really hard to changet,isn’t it..?

    Because all of that traumatic moment I’ve through.. make me like weak.. make me sometimes worried about another people talk about me.. etc…

    #364441
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes you are correct..” Feeling lonely, unattended to, unloved,  feeling that he likes someone else better than he likes you/ feeling jealous, suspicious… ” is what i feel for my entire life… even if with my dad…

    I just remember… when i was in elementary school, and my father give compliment to my friend. And i become really jealous.. i feel my father like her more than me… i just remember this because you mention my childhood…

    My father also never celebrate my birthday except my 1 years old… every birthday that i left is really ordinary… then i become feel some of dissapointed… although i know much that my father love me.. he loves me.. and give everything to me.. when he alive, i  thought that he didn’t like me because my face just the same with my mom that he hate the most (he ever told me that thing when he was angry). because of that, sometimes i got pain from my dad’s word when he angry and become compare me with my mom. Which is i never know since i was 3 years old..

    And sadly… my husband also not like to celebrate special moment 😭

    She didn’t mention or said anything else.. just said “poor tania” so thats why so many questions in my head… should i ask my husband..? Or i just ignore it.. maybe it’s just my sensitivity….?

    #364435
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Okay Anita.. i will wait.. Thank you

    #364408
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes you are alright.. i thought so… i thought my husband also a good guy..

    About gift giving actually first time i thought that is his love language.. i mean he never give me surprise. So he bought something that i know.. he just surprise me that he said he will buy it for me for example. he mostly bought some of my dream stuff.. such as set of serial books, bags, phone that i wanted the most, and even its food without i asking or begging him to buy it for me.. when i feel in badmood, he will always give me advice to buy some good food.. even if that time i just need and want his hug..

    Sometimes i feel confused.. i think everyone can buy stuff for his girlfriend right? So that girlfriend will allways be with him.. i such a different.. i don’t know why.. how many times he give me some gifts.. the feels of happiness just stand for some days.. and after that i feel like i forgot.. sometimes when i look at stuff that he bought to me, i feel blessed.. but you know.. that feeling not last forever..

    Or maybe i was wrong.. I’m the only one too exaggerated about his negativity or his lack.. i wanna to change and wanna stop worrying about his feeling..

    And about act of service. I dont know much about this actually.. but sometimes he helping me with the dishes, helping me when i cooking, sometimes he help to clean the bathroom..  and he loves me to always put dish on his plate and give to him.. i don’t know.. is that sign that he want me to show act of service?

    And this is something that cross my head now.. honestly it’s really hard to not looking at his chat.. and yesterday i just saw only 1 chat.. from his woman colleague.. different from colleague that first time i told you.. so the story is : when my husband post our wedding photo. Then i look her comment. she said something about me.. she said “poor tania”. I don’t know whats that mean..? And why she said like that.. could you tell me something inside your mind about this..? Am i too sensitive now..?

    #363888
    Tania
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I forget.. have i told you about my husband..?

    Actually from the first we being together.. he told me that he cant express his love like another guy. He cant keep telling me some of sweet words. And he keep doing it until now.

    Whats make me sure that he love me is because of his act. His care.. and when weekends we used to having fun together and he always give me his time on weekend.

    And until now, he hug me kiss me without words.. he care about what i love. Sometimes he give me what i want even i didnt ask for it. I know he is not perfect.. he doesn’t talk with me about heart feeling that much. I mean some talk like “how was ur day?” Or something that specifically talk about feeling. I just almost never see him sad, i hope he never feel that sad.. he always share his game, something funny and some logic story with me..

    I don’t know why he is like that.. sometimes i just curious is this his real character..? He told me that he never cover up anything.. everything i see in him is whatever he is..

    So thats why sometimes i never feel surprise about him.. he also almost never give me surprise.. only one i can remember.. when i graduated, he give me necklace.. that a sweet moment i love!

    What do you think anita..?

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)