Dear anita,

(Continuing where I left off): So where is the middle ground to this? To this belief I have embodied inside of me that I have extreme destructive powers? I have no idea how to care just the right amount of how my actions make someone feel. What is a right amount and healthy limit of caring and not caring about your actions and words?

And I would never do that in my relationships. I have actively reminded myself from a young age that I would not like to handle relationships like my parents did. I believe you are talking about generational trauma, right? It is best to stop the trauma and not pass on to your children those things you experienced as a child. Just in general, we have to grow as a person and unlearn unhealthy/toxic patterns that were passed on in our childhood.

That part is clear and I totally understand your point about not repeating the mistakes. About learning to relax; do you have any suggestions, or a change in perspective I can show myself in times I am overthinking and over analyzing?

I have dealt with anxiousness(I wouldn’t self-diagnose it ‘anxiety’) a lot. You probably know all the reasons behind that anxiousness and uneasiness. I fidget a lot. I move my legs a lot, I can’t stop shaking them. I pace A LOT. And somedays my heart just keeps beating really fast for no reason. Sometimes I forget to eat or sleep at time and maintain proper hygiene for myself. And that is why I asked you, “About learning to relax…” Because I am bad at this.

[Response to your older question: Things are about the same as they were in 2019. I have to make the calls for money, still. Mom and brothers get extremely pissed off at little things and start a fight out-of-blue sometimes. Today my brother and mom had a fight, and everyone is just so angry. My middle brother has very bad anger management. I have a hint he is working on some meditation and workout for himself, but it still is very very hard for him to not slam the door loudly and yell as loudly. My eldest brother who was unwell in 2019 has gotten better, though, I hope he doesn’t think of hurting himself again. And mom- she has just gotten worse. She can’t help but initiate a fight at home whenever she gets a chance. She speaks harshly now and complains about every single thing she gets to complain about. That means she is frustrated. I’m guessing mostly because of the financial situation, because it’s hard to budget the way dad deals with money affairs for home. I tried to talk to her about that a couple of times last month but she dismisses any consolation and says it is pessimistic, everything is pessimistic.

And my pet chickens are doing the best like always! They’re healthy and beautiful]

Regards,

Javairia