Thank you. Yes I know of the pain when leaving your loved ones before the virus we were in that boat. We had left each other three times. We had planned to see each other every 2-3 months until August when he would come. That was taken away from us by the virus.

While we did in fact break up because the virus because kept us apart For so long. I also learned, yesterday, that it chipped away at his will to come to live in America because the process to move here is so difficult. The current immigration policies has made it more so.

after meeting with a friend who goes to the school that he was going to attend. I was told that the new students were finding jobs quite quickly so I went back to tell him as that was one of his concerns. But he told me that drive to pursue a green card is no longer there. He said said the distance and such a long time apart has decreased the drive of it. For the amount of time money and effort he needed a very strong drive to do it.

I understand as I also feel  tired and beaten by the many months we spent yearning to see each other. The ups and downs the glimmers of hope that travel would resume.  Of course my drive was much stronger months ago as well. I feel like if we can not meet and stay together without continuously  being torn apart that I don’t want to do this anymore either. I have grown so tired of the bad feelings that are created after leaving each other and they have been magnified by covid.

Canada is so much easier to move to without so many hoops once you are in. He can do as he pleases once he is there. He only wants to go Canada now. This is a reasonable decision. Still we agreed if we still like each other and things align once in Canada we would try.

As Anita said I would feel that I would want communication if the situation changes.

I realize that the chances of my relationship being over forever feel more likely than a reunion. I am still feeling great sadness daily fighting a mental battle between letting go and holding on. I go through phases where I feel selfish and want to walk away simply so that he could miss  me and therefore the situation might change. But then I remember that he has never been more than gentle, kind, caring, and always wanting for me to be ok and happy that I would never want to intentionally cause him pain. My talking to him during this time also helps him get through this as he openly admitted to me  yesterday.

the times we are in are not normal. For that reason it feels acceptable to do what is not normal for me. Everyone’s mental health is so fragile at this time and this break up is not like others I have had. We had no problems and we still make each other happy. I feel like a victim of circumstances. However , now that it is clear that a part of the reason is that he doesn’t feel like fighting as strongly I feel more hurt.  That new information makes me wonder again if I Should I keep the communication as it is?  I know that he would like for me to keep talking to him.

Unknown future aside I feel sadness talking to him.  I am still crying in the mornings and evenings. I understand my current reality. but I think I would feel greater sadness shutting him out.