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– good to read that your 28 birthday is a better birthday than the ones before, that you have hope that “Love heals and truth does also”!

You shared that your father “used to always rant at me about his life, his problems, how my mom was terrible to him”, you finally told him that you didn’t want to be around him, and your mother shamed you for “making him feel bad”.

You then wrote: “I feel my intuition has died, or quieted”-

– Your mother shamed your healthy intuition to get away from your ranting father. Shamed (declared wrong), your healthy intuition quieted, or died somewhat.

“most people are good”- all people are born good. Then life happens and that goodness is compromised. Some people harm millions, others break the heart of their loving, trusting children, over and over again, there are so many kinds of compromise.

“Maybe someone isn’t a bad person but they can still be toxic to my wellbeing”- if a person is toxic to your wellbeing, then he or she is a bad person in your life. I read that lots of Nazi SS guards who killed Jewish and Gypsy children every day, were good family people at home, good to their own children.

“I know they are toxic, but I feel I am toxic too and don’t deserve any better. I always wonder, am I good person? What does good even mean?… I know I can’t be perfect but I still want to be for some reason”-

– Here is an exercise I suggest: make two lists, one of good behaviors, another of bad (toxic) behaviors. You can share them with me if you want, and we’ll take it from there.

anita