Hi all,

It’s almost 2am and it feels like the only time I can get the opportunity to post.

Lucie, there is a lot going on for you. I don’t know if I can help at all But memories have the potential to be as severe as the event/trauma itself because they reinforce the pathways in the mind that initially experienced the trauma, so one little thing I used to do was imagine the person/traumatic experience in your mind, then grey it out so the colour disappears, then move it far far away from you in your mind, until it’s barely a teeny tiny dot in the distance. I found this helped at times to take the ‘energetic charge’ out of the memory.

the panic attacks for me are usually a type of flooding. Basically I’m about to get overwhelmed with emotion I can’t handle so my body finds a way to cope- in the form of panic. I still find them hard but I keep saying ‘you’re okay, you’re okay, this will pass. It always does” and I eventually feel my heart rate slowing down and my breathing a little better.

as for the anxiety- well anyone who knows how to kick its ass, please let me know. Goes right to my tummy & is hitting high ratings lately. I confess I’m not journaling or meditating or getting out in nature at all lately, so I’m not exactly helping myself!

The medication I took for a period didn’t have any side effects for me, I didn’t feel numb & the only bit I felt was on weaning off, I just got more anxious but when I did it slowly in small decreases, I managed the little spikes in anxiety & it levelled out again.

It’s quite common and normal to still want someone. Lots of men and women feel the same. My ex broke my heart three times, caused me the most severe pain of my life & still all I wanted was him back!! Until you don’t. And I don’t know exactly when that happens, but it takes work to reframe how you view them, just adjusting that view consistently until the mind & heart start to believe it.

please use whatever support you can, even you best friend might have a lot going on but she may have other ideas of ways to help or supports you can get.

Nothing lasts forever. Remember that in those moments of anguish. X

@kkasxo – are you there? Things have been tumultuous to say the least lately.
my new job is tough, I feel ill equipped for it and it has completely taken away my life balance. The hours are insane (which I didn’t sign up for) and it’s leaving me with no free time to even get in a walk. I feel lost in the job, resentful of the hours and lonely in the city, when I just want to be back home.
my appointment to this company was quite high profile so there is no option to retreat, literally it would look terrible, reflect poorly on me for future opportunities etc, so I feel trapped.

My anxiety is kicking my ass too. I’m seeing one of the two guys I had been dating and as time goes on my feelings for him are growing. However, he has pulled back a bit from the initial period. The move to a new city has definitely made him think and made it harder for us. I was the one initially telling him to take it slow because he was so forward and expressive and funny! But now I have caught feelings and he is more vague and less keen (it would seem to me). And once again I feel like a guy loves to chase me but once he gets me, realises….’oh she wasn’t that great to begin with’. Hello self critic!!!
I’ve tried talking to him about it but I know he’s not as deep as me and he just gets bogged down in all the ‘serious talk’ and says I may have a tendency to over complicate things. I’m so frustrated that I’m getting so anxious about losing him now when I was so cool and chilled at the start. I thought I had done so much work on myself over the years and yet when it comes down to it, here I am, still praying a guy will make me feel better and safe and loved. And if he doesn’t I get needy and anxious. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying not to be this way, but then am I just not being my real self. And if I’m my real neurotic self, will that ever be loveable to any man?! Am I too deep and head wrecking for any relationship? I feel like I’m drowning at the moment.

michelle, it’s so so frustrating and heartbreaking that Covid has changed your life plan. But it has. It changed my life plan with regard to career and I’m still pissed off about that but I can’t control or change it.
from a very outsider point of view, which of course you can ignore, I think it is better now to cut contact. Otherwise both of you will get hurt. It will create pain. If you are meant to be together one day (which may very well be the case) then your lives will touch again, no contact will not harm what is meant to work out eventually. I could only start to heal when I ended all contact and hope with my ex.

Sammy and tim- I hope you are doing well. Sorry I don’t get to reply to every post, time is at a premium in my life at the mo- and not in any kind of good way. Sammy keep up the exercise and the daily goals – set in stone that are no. Negotiable and see if that helps x