Hi Sammy,

Thanks for the in depth reply. I guess I am seeking reassurance because I get so scared. We have already had sleepovers at his place (he lives alone), but it is just an issue coming for a sleepover at mine because my Dad lives there. I had a panic attack one night staying over at his place – i thought he was asleep and I just really wanted to leave, fear gripped me completely. I suppose the fear of how I felt and the fear of losing him. I subsequently found out the next morning that he didn’t sleep that night either as I was so restless and he was in super bad form and tired.

Last weekend I was due to meet him sat but ended up having to work on another project for most of sat (with a guy he kinda knows actually) and ended up arriving pretty late to his place on sat eve. I kept him in the loop all day about how the project was going and the delays etc and he was so understanding and chill about it. But during our phone call last night where I was having a freak attack and he was confused, he did admit that he was really mad, but he didn’t want to ruin the actual time we DID have together then by creating bad vibes. I felt so guilty….as my preference was certainly to spend time with him but the work project had to be completed.

Anyway, he also admitted on the phone last night that the new job in the city has thrown him and his head is spinning. Fair enough, I get it. I just loved spending time with him because he made me laugh so much and didn’t seem to be afraid to admit and seek a relationship etc and now that has changed. Am I self-sabotaging or is my instinct kicking in and something is different? At this point, I just can’t decipher. I feel like that although I’m anxious, I don’t pick up on absolutely zero and make it in to something, there is always a nugget at the core that sets me off.

I actually really like this guy and I don’t want to lose him. As for my ex, I wish I could say I’m over him and so much better and have great self worth. But it’s not that, i now accept the situation, but I don’t see myself as being better off or as me deciding I want better. It’s more a case of he has made a decision, he has utterly moved on, so so must I. That’s about it really. The new guy is a bad communicator but not deliberately, he just wouldn’t be great at it, whereas my ex determinedly avoided it. I think my ex would have had the wherewithall to talk but choose not to, whereas the new guy is actually someone who genuinely doesn’t think about some things too seriously and just wouldn’t have that level of communication ability. But I appreciate him for so many more things. But bottom line, I’m petrified of getting hurt here.

I’m so glad to hear that you are sticking to a routine and that it’s helping. It’s all about the baby steps, I did what you did in the initial raw period. I remember the 6 month mark, I remember time passing and next thing you know, it’s over a year later and it doesn’t sting as much. Keep going with how you are going.

Thanks for the input