Thanks A lot Anita. I was eager to hear your opinion.

You were right, Anita, it was a very difficult and uncomfortable read but I agree with it, completely. In fact, one reason why I was eagerly waiting for your opinion and why I kept summarizing and adding to my last long post was because after I wrote it down and read it, something felt really off about it, something didn’t feel right but I couldn’t put a finger to it. Now I can. I think I myself felt what you’ve said a bit, somewhere in my gut, maybe that also added to my self doubt as to am I the abusive and argumentative one, but didn’t face it. I agree with your analysis of my mother and me, also of my father.

I think I’ll still let him go as in a way I’m still hurt and also because after your opinion, I’m double sure that I have my own issues to sort out before I am ready for a loving relationship, with anybody.

I just have a few last questions after reading your recent comments and I assure you that I’ll appreciate your honesty about the answers, so feel completely free to even turn my opinion on its head, if you feel I’ve been thinking wrong. Thank You so much again for the needed reality check, Anita and for helping me clear my head. It is difficult but I’m still happy that I am moving from confusion towards clarity. Thank You. My questions are as follows:

1. Based on everything that you now know, was he narcissistic? The basic essence of his behavior towards me was as I’ve described. There were many more such incidents but the basic theme was the same. I was of the opinion after reading up in the last one year, that he had narcissistic traits tho I didn’t want to think of him as out and out narcissistic. But now as I had a part in it all, I’m thinking was he narcissistic at all? I wouldn’t want to think he was if he wasn’t and or think he wasn’t if he was.

2. Is there a possibility or even a high likelihood that tomorrow he would have a perfectly healthy relation/marriage with a non-argumentative, more sorted girl and not be abusive towards her? I know its a naïve and narrow-minded question and no one can predict anyone’s future but after listening to my few friends’ and family’s opinion and reading up and thinking he is narcissistic, I’d been told that he will be the same in every relation. A basic part of narcissism as i read was that they don’t change. I remember one of my brothers’ telling me that ‘don’t ever think of going back, he won’t change. Extremely Selfish people like him never change’ But now I have that question again. The only reason I want to know this is that I’d rather accept the reality today than keep having a false belief and be exposed to the reality later after having carried a false notion from now till that time.

3. I just don’t know how to ask this in a better way really, but just that was I bad? Was I a bad girlfriend and did I ill-treat him? Was I the wrong, abusive, narcissistic one? Will he be better-off without me?

Lastly, thank you so much Anita. It takes a lot of humanity to care to show a stranger the bitter truth than just let them think what they want to. Thank you for the care. I know this real answer will help me better myself. Thank You.

I’ll await your answers.

Lots of love.

Jenny