Hello anita,

Thankyou for writing back. I relate very much to what you said here:  Looking out the window on a summer evening, seeing couples walk hand in hand, going somewhere, while I am going nowhere..

I feel like I am living on reality and not IN reality. Like almost being on the surface of life, rather than diving in. Its perhaps loneliness plus the feeling of living the wrong life or being very unsettled and restless where I am so I look out on others happy relationships or success or marriages and feel jealous but dont know how to create that in my own life or even if I should or deserve to. I would say it’s a lack of inner peace feeling that is with me all of the time unless I am asleep.

I have felt lonely my whole life. I hated school and didnt have anything in common with my parents so I was very alone then. I feel very alone now still. I do have a boyfriend and some good friends but no one i feel actually emotionally is close to me and wants to understand me. I am responsible for that too as I do tend to push my boyfriend away at times as it doesnt feel right being with him always. At the same time i feel my boyfriend is too much on the surface of life too and doesnt seem to want to connect emotionally. It’s like we are talking two different languages.