Dear Amelia:

You are welcome.

“I feel pity for him”- feel (pity or)  empathy for yourself first.

Like I suggested to you earlier, a pattern of behavior has been established in this past relationship (when you assert yourself with him):

He gets stressed out at work/ with his family-> he gets angry at you and uses you like a punching bag -> you  assert yourself -> he gets even angrier at you -> you apologize to him-> he doesn’t forgive you -> you apologize again and again -> he finally forgives you.

With this pattern, he punishes you for asserting yourself, as if it is a sin to assert oneself, one that needs forgiveness. Over time, within this pattern, it is easier to not assert yourself and remain a doormat and a punching bag for him.

“Now I realized that he doesn’t love me as much as I do”- he loves you perhaps in the ways a man loves a punching bag and a doormat. His love is conditioned on you being these things.

I am glad that you broke up with him and decided to no longer help him and not be in contact with him anymore.

anita