ok basically while you have been doing immense work this past while, it’s still early relatively speaking and the routine you had developed was certainly helping you survive. I don’t think it might be at the stage where you’re magically ‘over’ him as such.

You will deal with all emotions when the time comes, but up to now, your mind and body found a healthy way of coping and that’s perfectly normal.

If you look back on my posts on this thread, I ALWAYS felt I was going backwards when I was sick or hormonal. It just got me out of whack entirely and I started the spiralling thoughts. But I’d hold on and say to myself, if I can just make it past this day, or this week or whatever, I have a feeling the fog will lift again and I’ll be okay.

So don’t worry, you won’t stay like this, you’ll be back to your routine soon and in the meantime, lean on friends through the phone or computer and maybe try reading something really interesting to stop your mind from wandering.

Im ok, my anxiety, as always, is the worst in the morning so I find that challenging but it eases out throughout the day. He’s not being super communicative again this week. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s even deliberate at this stage. He called me last night, just general chit chat. I texted him going to sleep but he didn’t respond and hasn’t viewed the messages yet this morning.

Im going to have to say something this weekend, but it’s hard to know who to talk to him. I thought my ex was bad, but this guy is….I dunno…..sometimes immature, sometimes really deep. It’s hard to get a read on him. I would like to bring it up over the phone so I don’t have to suffer another week of anxiety but he doesn’t believe in discussing things over the phone. I see his point in one way but at the same time, we live apart for a whole week each week, without phone conversations, a lot can build up.

Anyway, it’s tough. He was amazing when I arrived at his place last Friday and Sat and then not as amazing when I returned again to him last Sunday after I had visited with family. At the moment I feel like he’s not that excited about me. To be honest, I get the sense he’s not that excited about anything. He hates his job so much and doesn’t really have anything else he looks forward to apart from his workouts. But in the beginning he was nervous around me and always trying to see me and now I literally feel like we’ve been going out 7 years and completely lost the magic and any sort of trying to step up for the other person – it’s not even been three months since we met in person for the first time, so I’m missing the honeymoon phase already.
I just don’t want to feel taken for granted. I would like to feel special. Rather, at the moment, I almost feel like he’s ‘enduring’ being in a ‘situation’ with me as he feels he should give it a try at least, even if he suspects it’s not going anywhere.

I like him. Some parts I’m beginning to see I don’t like. But I’m willing to try. I want to give it a proper go. But I don’t know where his head is at.