@Shelbyville

Now that you have given context it is understandable and obvious in this instance he needs space and not deliberately neglecting your needs. Your friend is right. People deal with things differently. You may like to talk it out with cuddles and affirmations. Others like to just retreat. That is completely normal.

It’s how it makes you feel which is the issue. That’s down to incompatibility and attachment styles. But if you continue to try and make it work you will end up contorting to allow this behaviour but it will end the same, I think you’ll always feel shut out > anxious > hurt. This is to do with who you both are fundamentally and not easily changeable. It would take major change of behaviour by both to work. Currently as you are one of you will end up resentful.

Listen to what he wants which is space right now. Allow him time to digest that news. You’ve told him you are there for him. In the meantime focus on you. Sorting out the infection and lowering your stress as the cold sores. Poor immune response is usually down to our bodies being stressed!!

The ache you are getting is due to the potential you see and ideals in your head. Also because you being so self critical you’ll consider this as a reflection of yourself and feel not good enough, etc. That is not the case it is just not a good fit.

Dealing with a loss of potential which may never have transpired is better than being in a long term relationship and being unfulfilled and feeling anxious/hurt constantly. If it gets resolved now something else will pop up down the line, the more time you invest the harder the break will be. It hasn’t even been 3 months usually this period of dating is a way to determine if it will work and you are learning about each other. The break up sounds inevitable. Just try and reframe it think of it as a blessing you have realised how incompatible you are early on rather than years in.

I’ll be stuck in doors and on stand-by. I think personally think the right thing to do is walk away for your peace of mind. However let him digest the news of his job in peace. I have a feeling if you both are actually insecure and avoidant to a degree you will not do the healthy thing for each other and just allow it to continue because some of your needs are getting met. Long term this is unhealthy and will lead to toxicity.

I didn’t even think to adapt a new routine indoors. If there was alcohol in the house, I probably would have slipped back into that! So I’m grateful for not going that backwards..so far! A new routine is actually a really good idea and if I can find a coping technique indoors it may make a huge difference. A list may work. I like structure. I’ll try it.

Anyway thinking of you Shelby. I hope you managed to get some sleep. How are you feeling this morning?