Dear James:

We all use each other. The key is to  not use each other dishonestly or unfairly. When she calls you to vent about the other guy, she is using you to release her stress. You use her when you are bored and you contact her so to relieve your boredom. Here are two possible examples of dishonest and unfair using of each other:

1. She is romantically interested in the other guy and not at all in you. She calls you to vent about him but flirts with you, not because she is interested in you, but because she wants you to be motivated to listen to her venting.

2. You are interested in her romantically, but you tell her that you are not, you then give her your time and attention, pretending to  be interested only in friendship, but all along, you are waiting for her to have a bad day and give in to you romantically.

anita