Wow Lisa

What a rollercoaster. I am sorry you had to go through all of this. I understand you still love this person, but you really need some space away from her. Time will be the only that will help you and give you perspective. I don’t know your situation,  but if you can try to plan a trip or visiting someone for a few days. Usually surrounding ourselves with love, helps us realize how much we deserve and that we are worthy of love. I would try to stay away from her at least until your feelings clear up and you realize that this is definitely toxic and you cannot live like this. Be strong for you and your child.