Also, after a day with my sister, I was able to name what she’s been doing to me and also what my dad have always done to us. I’ve been reading, watching stuff about it lately and I’m going to be a bit illiterate since this is professionals’ job. But I want to say what I’ve been observing, they are narcissistic. All the years my dad made us feel like nothing, all those days where he did made it look like it’s an opportunity to be his kid but on the inside, it was hell. I remember he telling all the stuff to me while he just tried to get to my mother, when they were separated. He continuously makes himself the victim and this is beyond bearable. And he also survived several chemotherapy treatments because of a brain tumor and metastasis, so it’s even more unbearable now. Because he actually made himself the victim after all those years of abusing his wife and children. So it’s hard to communicate with him now, because you’ll feel like you’re abused but you cannot do anything about that, because you also feel guilty. And I finally saw the same patterns in my sister, she was brought up to be exactly like him. And being exposed to that relationship, makes you feel like garbage. After a day with my sister, I went home and cried for 3 hours. My boyfriend tried to help me but I had to cry that much to get over it. She made me realize and remember all the stuff dad did. And I actually felt like I have nobody else except my sister to share the pain of losing the parents, when that day comes. And my sister simply doesn’t know how to love somebody. She does not care about her family, because she has it. I will be there when she needs it, I cannot help it. But I can say that she doesn’t even know me, she doesn’t have to. She just wants my help when she needs it and that’s it. So besides getting sad about the ‘I don’t have anybody but her, but she is unable to care for me.’, I also have to protect myself from her and my dad. I know that I can do that, it’s just takes practice and being able to see these patterns really makes me want to get in a second university for psychology. I started to consider applying to foreign universities and scholarships. I don’t know how that would go considering the financial crisis we’re in as a country but it’s nice to know something I might want. Or maybe that’s just an excuse to run from working full-time and the adulthood and saving 3-4 more years to work part time and think about what I want. We’ll see.