Also, I feel like your reply will contain sentences to encourage me to end this relationship or separate for a while, at least in terms of where we live. I have come to a state where I cannot even hope for our relationship, I just want to save him. Yes, I would be miserable without him, I would lose my will to live for a while. But I won’t die, I won’t be suicidal. But he might be. And there’s no place for him to get away, and be better. Therefore, I cannot make any radical moves. He has his own room, his own bed as well. So maybe we can lose contact for a while and expect him to get better. I don’t know, but maybe we’ll go on like this and when I managed to go away(abroad) in a safe environment, such as a new school or a new job, then we’ll be okay, together or separately. I don’t know.

Also, during one of his episodes, my mom was on the phone with him. He kept obsessing over my exes and mom witnessed this. So she is not really happy with this either, she likes him, she has met with him and she worries about us. She also thinks he will not change. And I’m afraid I have doubts about this as well. But it’s really hard to even think about this, it feels like I would be leaving him to be like that. I want to show him that it can always be better.

But he is tired of hearing the same words over and over. “You’re not making enough effort, you’re not trying!” He’s exhausted as well.