Hi Anita,

I haven’t heard from bf since Sunday, which isn’t unusual.  He did mention he’s not feeling well; may get COVID tested, but we mostly communicate on the weekends.  His COVID issues are really his OCD kicking in; every sniffle is COVID.

Quite frankly, I needed a break from him this week.  My daughter the other morning was very upset about bf.  She doesn’t know why he formed a father-like relationship with her, only to use her and hurt her.  It’s really putting her in a not so good place, and she did reach out to her therapist in an email which she let me read.  She mentioned that I seem to be ok, which she couldn’t understand.  I told her I can’t spend every moment thinking about bf. I think about her, her brother, me.  I keep busy, but I’m not ok.  But I can’t let the times that I’m not ok consume me, because although I get sad, I deserve better, and so does she. I told her that I will have people come into my life, and she has her whole life ahead of her and many people will come into her life.  We have to establish our boundaries with those people for our own peace of mind.  We continue on with our therapy.

This morning, as I wrote in my journal, I was angry.  Angry at bf for what he’s done, angry at my daughter for not being more resilient and moving forward with her life (and not self-medicating with alcohol on occasion), and angry at myself, for not telling bf a year ago to “f” off.  I know this sounds so unlike me, but I was in a very angry place.  And the harm he’s caused to my daughter is inexcusable.  She was off limits in our relationship.

I know I’m venting, but I know I’ve been quiet this week.  I think I just needed to get angry.  And I didn’t care where he was mentally and emotionally, because seeing my daughter hurting is heartbreaking to me.  And it’s all because of him.  But, I reinforced that we learn lessons from relationships.  Her response was “Believe me, I’ll never let anyone you’re with in again.”  Which I understand at this point, and also think is safe.

Katie