Hi Anita,

I was diagnosed by my former therapist a year ago with BDP traits. I had a 4 year on and off relationship with a significant other. We broke up the second time because I found out he replaced me with another girl. This resulted in depression and a verbal fight in the car with my mother. I jumped out of the car because she kept telling me to just “get over it.” I still have a relationship with this person, but more like friends, not so much romantic.

My parents separated when I was around 5-6 years old. My mom left to work in the US when I was living in a different country. My dad lived in Japan. I lived with my aunt till I was 9. I didn’t know till recently, a year ago that it made an impact in my life.

My mom worked a lot. My dad lives in a different country (see him once a year, he’s a womanizer) I was left alone, met a lot of friends, was very social. I had to do that in order to build a social circle bc my family was always apart or working. I have an older brother (living in CA, my mom and gma lives there too)

So my BDP manifests every time when I get triggered (abandonment, betrayal, feeling uncared) the black and white thinking. I would always ask myself “Why would they do that?”

The pain is there and I am trying to figure out how to let it go. My therapist tells me to meditate. I work out, I paint, study, read, watch tv, talk to friends, etc. I used to write. Gonna start again.

There is this empty feeling that comes back and forth, esp with relationships, holidays. Gonna purchase some BPD coping books so I can get more insights