Hi @Shelbyville

So good to hear from you! I’m looking forward to Xmas, I am also starting to feel better tuning out! Something I really struggled with and it would get my back up not having something to focus on. I’m learning to appreciate the stillness and quiet.

My parents have fields near to them so we’ve been going for long walks at lunch and I love it even when getting my shoes mucky in mud! Nature makes me feel serene. I think I know what I want for Xmas pair of Hunter wellies!! Getting old.

Your job is really stressing you out isn’t it?😬 I think you need to decide if you can cope with a pay cut and doing something less pressured. Do your anti anxiety tablets still work?

I do wonder Shelby, who is prioritising you?

You’re like me constantly over extending but as much as we love to do anything for the ones we care for, eventually it leads to burnout. For me that led to me feeling so isolated even though I was surrounded by so many people who loved me, but they didn’t quite understand what I needed. That’s why having someone who really gets your needs without diminishing your feelings is so important. It really steadies you when you really really need it. The right person makes the chaos around you quieten and not feel overwhelming, in turn giving birth to productivity and positivity like it has done for Tim and Danny.

Have you considered moving in together with your BF permanently? You seemed happier when you were WFH at his place. Has this changed now, because you mentioned distance? I mean do you see this relationship as being the one and long term, because if you do have you considered discussing financial stuff, I would want my partner to see I’m struggling and offer some solutions…

Family is a tough one because they really do always have your back when the shit hits the fan so you always will feel obligated. Just do it in baby steps, don’t pull back on what you normally do completely, communicate, don’t over extend but compromise as they are family.

Friends at the end of day understand life changes with new careers, moves, relationships and responsibilities. The good friends understand the ebbs and flows and will always be there. Those who stop caring because you’re swamped are shit friends, The real ones even after months pass will still care and still check in. So hold onto those in your inner circle and always return the loyalty and care down the road when you can. IOU’s!!

The birthday texts with exes are difficult!! I discussed this with my wise friend, concluded and believe this now, if you have an agreement or are friends and keeping in regular contact then it is normal and given. If not, then the mature thing and reflection of an emotionally intelligent person is to say nothing.

Because there’s usually two reasons really to still say it when you’re not actual friends;

1) ego boosting/narcissistic- Oh I’ve moved on and I’m so unbothered I can take the high ground by showing how “nice” I am/I still believe I have an effect on you.

2) Underlying reason – you want it to lead to more (even though i love wishing hbd to anyone, when it came to my ex I too had other reasons😳) but I think it is lame sending a HBD text if you want to reunite, it is so lazy!!

Does he know you’re in a new relationship? He might be jealous now? Didn’t Tim’s ex start to text more frequently when he finally started to move on?

At the end of the day if you were the “rejected” one, I think the respectful and greatest gift is to just let your ex enjoy their special day the way they wanted to — without you! Otherwise you’d still be together or a friend.

It’s coming through for yourself, a high value person would reason if your ex didn’t appreciate and value you enough to be with you, they shouldn’t be blessed with your giving, they should lose that benefit! You should extend the giving only to those who do value you just like @Danny ‘s ‘B’ did. She cared a lot still but came through for herself! That takes a lot of strength and self love!!

“ I used to go out with that, ok” this really made me laugh 😆 😂 🤣  the anger is palpable in that statement lol. I do hope that’s you referring to him and not yourself ??????????

Even though it’s taken 2 years I’m glad to read you’ve moved on! I don’t have the patience of serving half the length of my relationship as a sentence lol. I want to grow, heal and love myself enough to be ready for the right one and not push him away by allowing my ex to have further power over me. It’s been 9 months too long already!! Going to leave 2020 where it belongs somewhere deep in the abyss!!!!