Hi Anita,

My daughter seems to have these upsetting missing moments of bf when she’s been drinking.  I’m beginning to believe that she has a problem and is self-medicating. Once she turned 21, she started to drink.  She doesn’t drink daily, but when she does it’s this day long binge and it interferes with her therapy…she misses appointments.  The past couple of times she did this binge, she had so much stomach pain that I told her that I believe she’s having alcohol gastritis.  I recall my ex having this issue.  And last night she had it after a day-long binge.  She drinks slowly over the course of 12 hours, but consumes a lot of alcohol.  She said it seems like the stomach pain is worse from the last time, and I told her “that’s because it is worse, because it’s getting worse.  Your body is telling you something and you’re not listening.”  I simply couldn’t feel sorry for her.  She’ll be sleeping just about all day today, but tomorrow she and I need to have a talk. I cannot live through burying my child, as her father’s mother had to do.

I actually spoke with bf over the weekend, and it was agreed that we would see a therapist together.  I do not feel his therapist is qualified to handle his issues, just from some of the things he told me.  He says he does most of the talking which isn’t good in my eyes.  She needs to interject and when she does, the answer he gives is just left at that.  He was talking about something, and she interrupted and asked him “is what’s bothering you the image you have in your mind of Katie and the other guy?”  He said “yes.” And she let him go on with what he was talking about before she asked that question.  She brushed over the issue, which is a huge issue.  It would have been a good time for her to educate him on trauma and reframing, but she didn’t.

I saw my therapist this past Monday, and he said he would welcome a meeting with me and bf.  He said it would help me make decisions about the relationship.  I said, “You want me to be present when you have the first appointment with him.”  He said, “Absolutely, bring it on.”  He said he would be professional, but wants to really dig into this.  My therapist is a PsyD, and he doesn’t hold back.  He’s not nasty, but to the point.   It will be an interesting visit. Of course part of what needs to be done is making amends with my daughter.  Bf knows this.

I need to either take slow steps forward with bf, or close this chapter.  Limbo isn’t working.  Perhaps the meeting on the 28th will give me insight.  I’m taking this one day at a time.

Katie

• This reply was modified 3 years, 12 months ago by Katie.