Hi all,

I started a lengthy response a while back, but it was on my phone as I cant go on the forum in work and then my phone rang whilst I was typing and i closed the browser and lost the post I had written and was too exhausted to write it all again.

Danny,

Lol, I know you mentioned to Sammy I’m probably having a blast! Ha, I wish that were true! In fairness, I don’t want to complain because there are others who suffer far more than me in the world. I’m just still overwhelmed and stressed at the moment, but we power on!

I’m delighted things are going well with B. Don’t worry too much about her Dad, of course it would be ideal if he adored you as much as she does, but at the end of the day, SHE adores you and that’s what matters. You want to be with her and while her family is important to her, there are just the two of you in that relationship. Plus give it time, these things often take time. I always felt that my ex’s Dad couldn’t really warm to me. A very nice man, don’t get me wrong, but we never clicked as such or made much conversation etc, and I would have loved to get on really well with him, but it justn’t wasn’t the way, so I accepted it wouldn’t be that way and moved on. The key is to just love and cherish B, and I’m sure it will always be apparent to any outside observer just how much you love her.

Sammy,

How are you doing? Are you still back with your family? I know it’s super cold and a bit miserable this winter, but I hope you’ve been able to get out for walks or runs to clear your head. I found podcasts and music really helped me when I was feeling sad and a little lost after the end of my relationship. I would walk and listen and walk and think and walk and listen and it became my routine and it made me feel anchored in a way…if that makes sense?

You asked about my relationship a while back on the thread. It’s good. I think!! To be honest, it’s all very new to me to have a man ‘show up’ and there are feelings and thoughts and old patterns on my behalf that are trying to process it all. I know I am very happy with him and he makes me feel very loved and that’s scary to me I guess. I love him too and I feel when I love something, I have the risk of losing it. It’s an ongoing battle, but I’m working on  it. I don’t want to lose him and I really want a future with him. So fingers crossed I can not stand in my own way.

I’m finding the amount on my plate a bit overwhelming lately and my anxiety because of it, is becoming unmanageable at times. I have been seeing my therapist the odd time (online) when I can, but I feel like I live in my car now, I’m on the road so much. My job is still as stressful as ever, maybe even more so, the demands of my family and the responsibilities I have to my Dad to fill the void left by my Mum on a practical basis and an over-anxious 9-months-pregnant sister who wants to use a drone to track my every move currently for fear I will not be available come ‘push-time’, a homeowner in the city I moved to, I have been trying to get almost 2k quid back off as I never moved in but paid deposit etc and she keeps lying and making excuses, two of my best guys mates who have split up with their girlfriends and Christmas shopping and trying to make it a good Christmas for my family while all the while trying not to freak out about the bloody coronavirus and it’s prevalence, have left me completely spinning.

I don’t think I’ll be able to post here again for some time. I would absolutely die inside to feel like I’ve let anyone down or someone needed me and I wasn’t there for them, so I feel like I need to press pause for now. I’m trying to keep too many balls in the air and some of them are about to drop. My boyfriend has already mentioned that I seem to have issues with boundaries and taking time for myself and always trying to keep every side happy. So I’m going to take some time out, away from online and try to tackle each element of my life one by one and see if I can maybe live a more balanced life because I realise that I’m heading towards burnout and some of the spinning plates will come crashing down if I don’t start dealing with them.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, though it may look and feel different to what we had hoped for. I hope you all remain safe and healthy and your families too. Thanks so much for all the posting, it has helped not only me so so much, but evidently so many more.

Keep posting here and supporting each other if you need to, you are all kind, generous and understanding people in my humble opinion and I’m grateful for our interactions.