Dear Michelle:

Your text is clear enough to me.

You made an interesting distinction in your first paragraph, paraphrased (and please correct me if I am paraphrasing wrong): it is not that you are drunk on love, feeling loved by this man, and in that state of mind you interpret anything/ everything he does as loving. What it is, is that your state of mind is that of feeling unloved by him (“doubted .. that he loves me”), and being in this state of mind, when he acts lovingly- it gets your attention, as a surprise.

But then, you “just really can’t tell what is real anymore“-

– this, right here, is The Problem, as I see it. This problem needs to be attended as first priority: it is more important that you know what is real than it is that he loves you in one way or another.

“I do hope we are in each other’s lives as friends for life”-

– then how about this, what if you tell him today something like this: (name), I hope that we can be in each other’s lives for life,  as friends, if nothing else. As a friend, I need your help today: I don’t know what is real anymore, sometimes  I am okay not knowing, at other times I am confused and it disturbs me to be confused. This is what I am confused about: on one hand, you told me that I am not The One for you, (meaning that you don’t see me as a girlfriend or wife long-term), but on the other hand, it seems to me that you do love me in a way that will make you realize sooner or later that I am The One for you. Can you help me with my confusion: if you are absolutely sure that I am not The One for you, please tell me. If you are not sure, if there is any part of you that feels that I may be The One, please tell me.

What if you said that to him, or did you already (it is difficult for me to imagine that I can come up with something you didn’t come up with already)?

anita