Happy New Year Anita!

Bf and I went to therapy together seeing my therapist.  My therapist made bf feel quite comfortable about seeing us together, as he has seen me for decades alone.  Bf liked him and felt comfortable.

My therapist asked bf many questions. I didn’t do too much talking because I knew that my therapist was trying to get a feel for what was going on with bf.  He did tell bf he knows that he has this image looping in his mind, and bf agreed.  But my therapist said that no matter how many questions you ask Katie and how many different ways you ask the questions, you’re never going to be satisfied with the answer, because this is your loop, which you need to stop. Katie can’t stop it.

Bf also offered the story of how he stopped over my house one day to talk with my daughter, and I told him not to go up to her bedroom.  Bf said he thought “someone” was upstairs that I didn’t want him to see.  My therapist said, “After 6 years together, it this what you think of Katie?  That as soon as you walk out, someone else walks in?”  Bf said it was because of the way I was dressed.  I said I didn’t want you to go up to daughter’s bedroom because it’s a violation of her privacy and a boundary.  Then I said that I wear what I was wearing all the time.  Bf said, you looked dressed up. I said I was wearing capri jeans and a black shirt.  I wear those with you all the time.  Then he said it wasn’t your usual dress down look. Then I started to say something and my therapist interrupted us and said, “Stop.  This right here what you’re both doing has to stop.  This constant banter of him accusing you of something and you explaining yourself has to stop.  Katie should say that’s not true, and that’s the end of it.  There’s none of this back and forth over an accusation.”  I then realized that I do that all the time.  He accuses me and I explain myself 400 different ways. And, it has to stop.

We did make another appointment to go back in a couple weeks, so we’ll see how that goes.  Although right now I am focusing on my daughter, and that is my main focus.

Katie