@NBC

You are witnessing the after product that’s why – I have grown a tremendous amount. Last year I’m sure a dick would have been one of the many fair ways to describe me.

I messed up big time, I’m surprised myself sometimes that ‘B’ didn’t yeet me when I attempted a reconciliation! I’m glad she didn’t,  she really makes me feel young, content in my own skin and proud to have her as my fiancé!

You have quite a colourful dating/interaction resume there! 60+ ? Crushing on a 15 year old? Mid life crisis or something? Or do you think you may just be lonely more than anything? So you think you’re looking for a real commitment but deep down you are in fact averse to it hence your choices. Right now you may just be filling a void of some sort.

You mentioned in an earlier post you struggle or very selective in letting someone hold your hand, perhaps there’s a fear of intimacy there too. You may have not worked through the deeper wounds from your long term relationship with ‘A’

It also appears physical looks aspect is the driving force for your level of interest. If someone is not meeting your ideal at all then going forward with it will only mean you are stringing them along. That’s cruel , so rule out anyone who repulses you for sure or doesn’t meet your barometer because you’ll just end up hurting them.

If there’s someone you feel neutral about then give it a one date only policy. If on the first date you still feel underwhelmed be upfront.

When you feel significant potential then let it flourish! Allow time and enjoy the persons presence to show you how it will unfold rather than overthinking it.

When you put expectations on something it often leads to disappointment.

Do you think you may need to see a therapist? Just a suggestion not judgement. The older guy attraction thing may be linked to your relationship with your father or male figures in your earlier life. Someone with experience can aid where I can’t.

Also I’m a gentleman and old fashioned when it comes to paying. I always pay for dinner etc that’s something ‘B’ was astounded by when we met. Modern dating really has changed! Now as a compromise, we plan date night and pay on a turn by turn basis. We equally feel spoilt. So it’s nice.

Your male friends are very chivalrous, are you sure there isn’t a gem amongst them?

Most ‘beta’ men work in the background as friends because when we shoot our shot there’s only 40% success rate so the rejection can way heavily.

Any man who you’ve not known since childhood but is friends with you, will always have underlying feelings and is just waiting for the opportune moment. However this is a problem because for a woman it kills attraction for him.

I think just being open, honest about your intentions is the way forward. If you want something serious you ask for it from the beginning and take the risk.

With ‘B’ I lied I said I was serious and acted like an Alpha and a player. Chased her but somewhere in that I became drawn and because I had unresolved issues from my past I screwed it up. She’s highly perceptive saw scars and pulled back and allowed a friendship to form but I messed that up too. There was always sexual chemistry there so it got messy.

So just be the real you and if he is being real too it will take off.

At one point you have to make a choice otherwise you would practice the grass is greener and remain a bachelorette.

Marrying or committing to someone isn’t a light bulb moment. Love is slow and steady. In the smallest moment you’ll catch yourself saying I love this woman! ‘B’ will do these small special things and it just warms my heart.

You will never find someone perfect. But with ‘B’ of course she stood out. The main thing was I felt I was me and accepted. With reflection I just knew that we have potential to grow together, on my internal calculator it was +. I never felt I was settling. I knew it required work though.

If I felt meh she will do, I think we both would resent each other eventually.

For men friend zoning is different to women. A woman can be friend zoned and come out. A man is usually banished forever.

@Kkasxo would be a better judge of her own story so I can’t comment. All i can say is just because ‘B’ and I are happy now doesn’t mean it will last forever. However I’m committing with intention to pull my weight and as long as we both keep doing that together we will succeed in achieving a long happy union.

There’s no guarantees. You could be happy and content in life and meet a person who you decide to be vulnerable with but they turn out to be an ass. The core thing is if you have self love you’ll acknowledge it was a risk that didn’t pay off, the self love will encourage you to achieve acceptance it wasn’t meant to be. Your right person is still awaiting you.

Achieving that is not easy. Once you get there. It’s easier to detach from someone you were very attached to because you believe in yourself.

The pull and push with your B has done exactly what those relationships do – leave you questioning your own self and judgement. They wear you down.

When emotions become involved or an attachment is formed its so easy to become blinded by them.

When you are with your friends you are purely objective. A neutral. Therefore your natural instinct and advice is on the money.
It happens to us all. The key is to check in with yourself and set stringent boundaries and stick to your values and needs. If someone is not meeting them, walk away

This is all just my perspectives take it with a pinch of salt. I think you are somehow unavailable even though you think you’re available because there’s unresolved issues you haven’t confronted.

Try and write a letter as if you were your friend in your exact position. What advice would you give?

If you are still struggling with closure to that chapter with B, don’t let pride stop you from contacting him. Achieving peace of mind is also self love. If he is stand offish, doesn’t have the maturity to make amends or give you clarity let that be your answer to all those answers.

Macron is a knob. So don’t use him as a template! Maybe if you are having those thoughts about a 15 year old, it’s better to avoid 1 on 1 time. 15 year old boys are horny little things you don’t want to land in trouble unknowingly.