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January 18, 2021 at 10:07 am
#373019
SuomilainenParticipant
Anita I just want to see the best in him and hold onto what is good just like he is with me. But you’re right nothing good can come of spending the rest of my life feeling this way. I was up all night overthinking things feeling empty and lonely. I just wrote him this.
Anita you are an amazing person. Thank you for indulging me in my situation and issues. This world needs more people like you. I need a friend like you as for a long while I haven’t had any.
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Good morning! Thank you so much for sharing your story last night. I always look forward to learning more about you! You have a gift and I’m so happy that you’re regenerating your passion for writing as you need to share it with the world. You will be a success no doubt and I will always be supportive when and if you need it.
Honestly, I 100% understand if you are feeling like you need to investigate me further to see if we are compatible in all areas. Last night I was doing a lot of thinking about what I would like to have in a relationship.
I believe that being best friends first and a couple second make for a strong relationship, long-term. You are the one that I would love to have this type of relationship with. My ex used to say you’re ^&**&^ stupid. Now I would just say to him that he’s **&^&* proof. Yes, I was not so smart in staying, but I’m finally learning what I want in life.
My body and soul knew he was toxic but my mind was so jumbled up until I met you. You were my breath of fresh air and I knew from the moment I met you that you were a gem.
I know I’ve got to just let go of my insecurities and become thicker skinned.
But I will not apologize for being sensitive as that is who I have always been.
With your help, I was able to stop letting my ex who did so little for our family control and abuse so much of me and for that I am eternally grateful.
Anyways, I digress. I can feel that you’re probably rolling your eyes and heaving a big sigh right now lol. But I just wanted to let you know that if I didn’t truly love you I wouldn’t be bothering with all of this right now. I am so thankful and appreciative of your support, having my back during my departure, helping to save me and my son from a serious situation.
I know you’re big on no expectations and taking what you can get. I’m trying to get there.
But I think some expectations are healthy as long as they are not unrealistic. I know that unrealistic expectations in relationships can kill a relationship.
(Sorry the internet keeps cutting out. ) Maybe this fundamental belief of mine does not coincide with yours? What I’m trying to get at is I feel I’m not worth getting to know more about.
I’m not saying that I don’t deserve to have someone who is truly interested in me. What I mean is that in a healthy relationship, I believe that each person needs to feel truly loved and that interest in one another is mutual/reciprocal.
I hope that I make you feel that way. I know I haven’t been easy to deal with these last 4 months. Unfortunately, I apologize way too much. But I just want you to know that I realize my behaviour and am in the process of fixing it.
Is anything I else I can do other than not telling you how you feel or see me? Maybe overthinking and overanalyzing everything? I do this to avoid getting hurt, to find happiness, to think about every possible situation to get through all the issues with my dignity and respect intact this time while making sure that you know I love you dearly for who you are right now.
I want to be in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, and to make good memories. Not to be constantly upset, to feel hurt, and to cry and to cause stress and be a burden to you.
I think it was Shakespeare that said he always felt happy because he didn’t expect anything from anyone because they always hurt and life is short.
But I’m not afraid of any expectations that you may have of me. I want to make this work, so if I’m falling short, if you are still interested, just tell me.
I know I overthink, but then I tend to over-love lol
Anyways, it’s time for me to just be happy because for the majority of my life I was sad, angry and overthinking things to try to make my marriage work with someone who was not interested in anything but treating his family as possessions and punching bags and was extremely self-absorbed where we 90% of the time had to do what he wanted which for the most part I fought against but never won with him. That will never happen again.
I so want this to work. I want to let things flow and come naturally. To for once in a very long while have a positive, mutually inspiring relationship that is not one-sided. Where love, passion, respect, and equality are present because that is when peace and harmony will reign for the first time in my life (and that of my son). To me love is action, and everything else is words.
This is my major goal after looking inward and seeing what I need to fix and come to terms with in myself, gaining that inner peace, love, and acceptance first.
I already know what I want at the end of this and that is you.
I called you last night because I am concerned that my behaviour over the last few months has been crazy and that has diminished your interest.
I’m not sure what type of relationship we have now, if it’s heading into friend territory because action-wise that’s what I see. But then words are contrary. There’s a disconnect and I’m confused.
As you are now writing more and unearthing your passion, can I ask if you will have time for a relationship or will this be a hinderance? I would never want to stand in your way and will bow out as I only want the best for you. It would just be nice to know this in advance.
Anyways, sorry for the novel. I’ve got to get to work! Be happy today Kultaseni and keep smiling. Know that I’ll be thinking of you today wishing you were here beside me. One day I hope we can be unstoppable and live a life together with mutual love, respect, inspiration, fidelity, and of course passion! One day, I hope to wake up in the middle of the night feeling you beside me. I would wake you up just to kiss you deeply and hold you and make you feel the love I have for you.
My sister sent me this.
And I agree with her…
I love you.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 