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Long Distance/Online Relationship during separation – Is he an narcissist? Am I?

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  • #372845
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I love this site and these forums! So many opportunities to learn about relationships and just when I feel alone, I can see that there are others out there with the same issues. Thank you.

    Currently, I am 4 months into my separation from my abusive/narcissistic husband and am now considered a girlfriend with a man that I met through an online video game who helped me leave. Since I’ve never really had a healthy relationship, I just want to make sure that I’m doing this right. Also, I would love to know if I am a narcissist or dating one.

    He is a widow and says he has been celibate for 13 years. He told me that he is in love with me and that he asked his spirit if I was the one his wife spoke to him about. Specifically, he said his wife told him that she had dreams about him running around with a blonde in his future (me). I was so touched by this, however now I am having doubts if this is true, or even anything that he says is true. He always says that he loves me very, very, very, very, very, very, very much (yes that many very’s lol). Is that weird? Is he trying to convince himself lol? Because of COVID, we have never met but frequently video chat and text. I have some serious trust issues. Exacerbating these issues is my constant doubt of him cheating/playing around in our long distance relationship. I’ve confronted him many times because I thought it was my instinct, but he has told me it’s just my insecurities and that he understands completely and is being patient with me. I am grateful for this. There have been many times where he has been hot/cold (me too because of this since the beginning was so intense). He has always said the very things I’ve wanted to hear. I’ve told him that I love him so much that it hurts because of our distance and that I’ve always wanted a man like him. I’ve learned through my very long-term marriage that I don’t need a man. I want him but at times feel like I need him too. Is that wrong? He is still friends with a married woman that he had a brief intimate (3 months or so) relationship with who was 26 (he’s in his late 40s) a couple of years ago (he says). They met through the video game too. I’m not sure if he is in close contact with her as there is an option to play offline. He said it was very brief (3 months is brief) and that he said he loved her but that they would always be friends. He said her husband will never know of their brief affair. He has talked to him through the game despite all this! Is that weird? Also, he has told me that he has been with around 100 women over his lifetime. He has a daughter but has not had any contact with her. He said that she may not know that he is her father. I said I would help him connect and take care of him. He knows a little too much about my financial situation. I overshare and am too available/clingy but he says I’m not. He says he is a big believer in no expectations and being thankful for whatever I get. I’m not sure if that was a passive aggressive comment. He says he has to always watch what he says around me for fear of feeling boxed in by my incessant questions due to my trust/insecurity issues. I sometimes feel I am not ready for this but then I don’t want to lose him if he is who he says he is. He says he now wants to take it slow, but now it seems like our relationship is more platonic even though he professes his love. I do love him but am going hot and cold too because I am afraid of getting my heart broken by a possible player.

    Because he means so much to me, I’ve sent him pictures, etc. and then got scared because I’m not sure if he is legit so I ask him to delete them (I’ve done this a few times and he’s understandably no longer interested.). We have been intimate by phone. Am I narcissistic for sending him these pics despite having trust issues? I have never done it before and I wanted to show him how he made me feel and to excite him. He now does not have any pics and doesn’t express interest in having any understandably. We now have no intimacy this way. It feels more platonic now.

    My son has ASD. He says he might have ASD and has asked me if he thinks I have it and we’ve discussed it but I’m not sure if that is a manipulation tactic. He always talks about himself and lately we’ve been reading the book he self-published every night, which is great for us both because I love to know more about him, but sometimes I feel this is something he needs to do in order to bolster his ego and that it’s not a connection/bonding thing. I feel sometimes he may have ulterior motives for being with me. When I asked if why he doesn’t want to know more about me, he says he doesn’t have to, that he wants to spend a lifetime getting to know me. That when we’re together, he will spend time getting to know me. He says he wants to grow old with me, to marry me. He says he wants to come visit me in May for our birthdays (we’re both Taurus lol) but due to COVID that may not be possible. He is going to get his COVID shot as he is an essential worker and he is coming to visit at the first opportunity. However, I think he may be seeing red flags in me. Maybe he is having a relationship with me out of duty to his deceased wife’s wishes (that he find someone) as sometimes I feel compartmentalized as he normally only texts/calls at night. On the weekends we have limited contact due to family demands and it seems like he relishes his freedom as we don’t really communicate. This leads me to doubt his fidelity. My gut just sometimes tells me is not being truthful about this.

    Lastly, he is also a vehement Trump supporter which I don’t share whatsoever. He is extremely passionate about politics and I know little about American politics. He goes on a tirade and seems to know everything there is to know about everything. I can’t get a word in edgewise, and even if I do, I feel stupid and an undercurrent of “shutup, this is not your country so you have no right to an opinion”.

    There have been many times where he has been there for me, stayed up late talking to me, telling me everything will be ok. He used to tell me I was beautiful. He used to compliment me and send me love songs and long love notes. Now, nothing really, just really reading his book each night.

    Am I crazy? Am I a narcissist? I’ve done some research and it seems that people that have been married to a narcissist usually exhibit the same behaviours. My boyfriend told me this. I always seem to be apologizing for my meltdowns and I’m always saying I am going to fix myself so I can’t be the best I can be in this next chapter of my life. When I ask him if he has things he needs to fix in his life all I get is a yes, but no details. Am I being too demanding asking what the details are? He says he wants me at my best but will take me at my worst. He has said I am thin skinned and insecure, extremely sensitive, extremely thoughtful, etc. He says I am not as thin as I used to be (because of stress during the marriage). I can’t help but feel that I’m not up to his standards since he’s been with so many women. He told me that I would be intimidated at all the beautiful the women he was with. He says there were countless opportunities of other women that would take care of him. He says he will never betray my trust and always be faithful and honest and would never hurt me. He says he has always been the one cheated on and has never cheated. Is he a narcissist?

    Im sorry this is so long. I hope someone out there can either relate or give me some advice but I know this is maybe too much to read.

    Maybe I should just let him go? Maybe he has lost interest? Maybe I should just be alone and heal? I thought we could do it together.

    Thank you.

    #372851
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suomilainen:

    First, I will retell much of what you shared, with quotes, and then I will offer you my thoughts:

    You “never really had a healthy relationship” and had separated from an “abusive/ narcissistic husband” four months ago. You met a man (late 40s) through an online game while separating from your husband. This man, whom you never met because of Covid, considers himself to be your boyfriend. He told you through frequent video chats and texts that he has been with over 100 women in his lifetime, that you “would be intimidated at all the beautiful women he was with”, that he has a daughter with one of those 100+ women, but has never had any contact with her, and she may not know that he is her father.

    And he told you that “there were countless opportunities of other women that would take care of him”, and yet, he has been celibate for 13 years… but had “a brief intimate, 3 months or so” sexual affair with a 26 year old married woman he met through the online game a couple of years ago.

    He told you that he loves you “very, very, very, very, very, very, very much (yes that many very’s”, that he is a widow, that he “asked his spirit if (you were) the one his wife spoke to him about”, that he wants to marry you and grow old with you. He told you that he is an essential worker, and as such he will soon get his Covid vaccine and will visit you “at the first opportunity”  The two of you were intimate over the phone some time ago, and you sent him pictures because you wanted to show him how he made you feel “and to excite him”.

    You stated that you have doubts about whether “anything that he says is true”, and you asked the following questions: “Am I crazy? Am I a narcissist?.. Is he a narcissist?.. Maybe I should just let him go? Maybe he has lost interest? Maybe I should just be alone and heal?”

    My thoughts: the term narcissist is used casually to mean a bad, selfish person and I don’t care for the term. There is nothing that you shared about yourself to suggest to me that you are a bad and selfish person.

    I agree with you doubting the truth of what he told you. I doubt what he told you as well: his age (he may be older), his occupation, the details of his history and of his current life. Some of what he told you is probably true because no one lies all the time, and even a broken clock tells the truth twice a day.

    I was wondering: he told you that he’s been with over 100 women in his life, that he was married, that he was celibate for 13 years and that he had a brief sexual affair two years ago. Do you know when he managed 13 years of celibacy?

    anita

    #372856
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Hi Anita!

    Thank you for your quick response. Wow!

    He says he is coming out of retirement for me only (now) and if we don’t work out he will remain celibate. He said he had the brief affair at least a year before he met me.

    No I’m not a bad person but I feel selfish. He said on the day of the anniversary that his wife died that he would call me and considering that he thought I was the one his wife wanted for him, I thought we could spend some time together. He called me selfish and said that it was his day. I felt horrible.

    Also, I sent him and his family Christmas gifts not expecting anything in return. He said thank you and that’s it. He’s introduced me to a couple of his family members including his parents so I guess that’s a good sign? However, because of COVID, on Christmas he was to video call to introduce me to the rest of his family but he flaked out.

    There’s a lot more to this sordid story. I feel crazy even telling it.

    #372857
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suomilainen:

    You are welcome. He was lying then when he told you that he was celibate/ in retirement for 13 years before he met you because he also told you that he had a sexual affair with a woman a year or two before he met you (the math doesn’t add up).

    In addition, I doubt that he believes that his wife’s spirit wants him to be with you any more than she wanted him to be with a  married woman 20 years his junior.

    You wrote: “He’s introduced me to a couple of his family members including his parents so I guess that’s a good sign?”- will you describe that introduction to me: what did he say to whom, what did they say to him/ you?

    Also, I didn’t understand the incident when he called you selfish, what was the reason he stated for accusing you of being selfish?

    anita

    #372905
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Hi Anita!

    Yes, you are right. The math doesn’t add up. There are a lot of things that don’t add up with his stories. There are many more.

    The introductions were very brief. I’ve only talked to his mother once, who has dementia, and his father once, and very briefly his 2 brothers all who live together in the same house. They are poor. Also, his sister just made a quick appearance and was hesitant to show her face at first. I think he introduced me as his girlfriend. He says his family always asks about me but I’ve never spoken to them since (about a month ago).

    He knows my financial situation and knows my ex’s and son’s names. He never asks about my life really other than once where he asked if I received a letter from my ex’s lawyer. I confronted him about not asking about me and he said he wants to learn about me but he just doesn’t have to know it all to know that I am a good person with a good heart (seriously?). His answers are always seem rehearsed.

    He called me selfish because on the anniversary of his wife’s death, he was to call me and he didn’t until I went on the game and spoke to one of his friends. Not 10 minutes afterwards, he called saying “at least I called”. Ok maybe that’s selfish but I thought that since he said I was so important to him and his vision.

    I’ve done a background check and found nothing. I’ve become a little paranoid and called the police once to inquire about sexploitation because I’m afraid he may leak the intimate photos, etc. I’m in Canada, he is in the US. I’ve never done anything like this before so I’m overly cautious.

    #372906
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suomilaninen:

    I will be back to your thread tomorrow morning, in about 10 hours from now and reply further. For now, I understand that you got emotionally attached to him, especially at a time that you needed support so to separate from your husband, and I understand that it will be difficult for you.. but reads to me that best for you is to get emotionally ready to no longer be in contact with this man. Reads to me, as you already suspect, that this man is not honest with you.

    anita

    #372915
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suomilaninen:

    You’ve been in a “very long term marriage”, and have been separated from your husband in the last four months. You live with your Autistic Spectrum Disordered (ASD) son in Canada. You met a man on an online video game, a man who lives in the U.S., and you are having an online/ long-distance relationship with him. You never met him in person. He is perhaps in his late forties and he lives in the same house with his elderly parents, his mother suffering from dementia, and with two or three siblings. “They are poor”,  you wrote. He is a “vehement Trump supporter” who is “extremely passionate about politics”.

    This man told you many, many things, and you doubt the truth of what he told you: “I am having doubts if this is true, or even anything that he says is true… There are a lot of things that don’t add up with his stories. There are many more”.

    I will now continue to tell your story without a single thing that he told you:

    You feel that you are “too available/ clingy” with him, and that he is losing interest in you.  You told him that you “love him so much”, that you “always wanted a man like him”, and that you will “take care of him”. You have “some serious trust issues” exacerbated by your “constant doubt of him cheating/ playing around… (being) a possible player… (I) doubt his fidelity”. You “confronted him many times”, and you experienced meltdowns with him: “I always seem to be apologizing for my meltdowns and I’m always saying I am going to fix myself”.

    You do not trust him and fear that “he may have ulterior motives for being with (you)”. You sent him intimate pictures of yourself and you are afraid that he will use them against you. You told him about your financial situation and you are afraid that he will use that information against you, taking advantage of you financially: “He knows a little too much about my financial situation. I overshare… He knows my financial situation and knows my ex’s and son’s names… I’ve done a background check and found nothing. I’ve become a little paranoid and called the police once to inquire about sexploitation because I’m afraid he may leak the intimate photos etc.”.

    He briefly introduced you online, to his mother, to his father, and to his two brothers, and most briefly, to his sister, and you sent them Christmas gifts.

    You shared that you “never really had a healthy relationship”, that your husband was an “abusive/ narcissistic husband”, and you asked: “Is he a narcissist? Am I?…I would love to know if I am a narcissist or dating one… Am I narcissistic for sending him these pics despite having trust issues?… Am I crazy? Am I a narcissist?”

    And now, some research and my input: casually used, narcissistic people are thought of as people who  exaggerate their achievements, have a deep need for lots of attention and admiration, lack empathy for others, and looks down on others as inferior, but behind their mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem and that’s why they can not tolerate any criticism.

    Psychology today. com/ myths about narcissism, reads: “By using the term ‘narcissist,’ we equate the person with the condition. However, psychologists who study both personality and psychopathology urge that we not refer to a person by the condition we think that person might have.. People can have narcissism in different degrees, and they also can have other personality features that counter their narcissistic tendencies… Even though people may meet the criteria for this diagnosis.. they show the symptoms in differing degrees… on a continuum.. clinicians recognize that there are important individual variations”-

    – this means that it really doesn’t matter if you label him or yourself or anyone as a narcissist because first, you are not a professional qualified to diagnose anyone with a personality disorder, which is what narcissism is (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Second, even if 100 people in your life fit the criteria of the diagnosis, you still have 100 different people in your life. So, look at and evaluate people’s specific behaviors without throwing a label at them and identifying them as that label.

    If he indeed lies to you a lot, that’s a behavior that makes it impossible to have an honest relationship with him. Do you agree?

    anita

    #372929
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I really appreciate your advice and showing me that I’m acting like an armchair psychologist. I’ve just been researching it a lot probably because I feel that I am one. I won’t throw labels around even at myself. I’m learning a lot about myself and in this journey I’m seeing that sometimes what I accuse others of is what I really am myself. I’ve got to work on myself a lot.

    Yes, my instinct is that he lies. I haven’t. He’s been by my side everyday as I was leaving my marriage so he knows everything unfortunately. I guess I should’ve been stronger to stand on my own.

    Yes, I agree with you Anita. Trust is an essential part of a relationship but is infinitely harder when it is long distance.

    I know this website is going to help me identify and fix my foibles, weaknesses, and help me find the strength to heal.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    #372931
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suolmilainen:

    You are very welcome. “He’s been by my side everyday as I was leaving my marriage.. I guess I should’ve been stronger to stand on my own”- it is natural and understandable to need someone by your side, especially when you are making a big change in your life.

    You wrote it like it is: “he lies. I haven’t.. Trust is an essential part of a relationship”- He lies, he does not deserve your trust, therefore a healthy relationship with him (long distance or otherwise) is simply not possible. I hope that you will be strong enough to end this relationship sometime soon. Maybe even today. It would be nice if you could  meet another man who is honest and with whom therefore, a healthy relationship is possible.

    anita

    #372932
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Thank you Anita.

    #372933
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Suomilainen.

    anita

    #373006
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Hi there Anita,

    I’m seriously contemplating ending this relationship since I always feel alone after spending time with him. Is it normal for me to want him to know more about me? We just finished reading a chapter of a book he wrote and I spent most of the time telling him how wonderful it is. He says he loves that we are sharing “intellectual” time together. Sometimes it feels like an ego boost for him. I love knowing more about him this way however it’s not reciprocal. He only wants to read his book. He never asks me how I’m doing and when I offer information about myself to him, he seems uninterested or bored. I feel empty. The conversations always revolve around him. Am I being selfish? How do you tell if he’s just self-absorbed or just truly wants me to get to know him through his writing? What purpose does this serve? He’s no longer interested in me in any other way for the last while. I feel empty and if I bring anything up, I will feel it would only cause drama. He says he wants to come visit, but I wonder if he’s just stringing me along so he can have me read his book to him. The conversation ends with him happy and content but me feeling empty and feeling like I only serve a singular purpose. That I’m compartmentalized. He never calls me during the day. Only at night. He says just call me if you ever need to hear my voice. What’s that all about? He says he never asks because he doesn’t have to know anything about me right now, that we have the rest of our lives together to find out. Is he stringing me along? How do I approach this?

    I was married to a man who was abusive and was emotionally unavailable. Is this just more of the same?

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    #373018
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suomilainen:

    “We just finished reading a chapter of a book he wrote and I spent most of the time telling him how wonderful it is… He only wants to read his book. He never asks me how I’m doing and when I offer information about myself to him, he seems uninterested or bored. I feel empty. The conversations always revolve around him. Am I being selfish?”- no, you are not selfish, he is selfish. He is indeed self-absorbed and does not have room in his mind or heart- for you. Basically, you have been providing him with a service free of charge: reading from his book and telling him how wonderful it is.

    “How do you tell if he’s  just self-absorbed or just truly wants me to get to know him through his writing?”- he is self-absorbed and he wants you to get to know him through his writing. But he doesn’t care to get to know you. The interest to know each other is one-sided,  like you wrote: “it’s not reciprocal”.

    You expressed this one-sided, non-reciprocal situation very well: “The conversation ends with him happy and content but me feeling empty and feeling like I only serve a singular purpose”- that singular purpose is, like you wrote, to boost his ego, to admire him.

    “He says he never asks because he doesn’t have to know anything about me right now, that we have the rest of your lives together to find out”- he doesn’t ask about you because he doesn’t care to know about you, he is not curious about you, and he doesn’t care that you need to tell him about you. He doesn’t care now and he is unlikely to care in a year from now or in ten years.

    “Is he stringing me along? How do I approach this?”- this man is very self-centered, he disregards what you feel and what you need, he interacts with you because he needs you to admire him. Let’s say he is not stringing you along and he really intends to spend the rest of his life with you- that’s not a good thing for you! What’s good about you spending the rest of your life being disregarded, feeling empty and lonely, while providing a self-absorbed man with a free-of charge service (admiring him)?

    I will answer your question in regard to how to approach this after you answer my question above.

    anita

    #373020
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Sorry I forgot to ask something else. Last night in -14 temperature, my furnace stopped working so I’m sitting here in my winter coat waiting for it to be fixed. He knows this and said last night that he wished he was here to keep me warm 😉 Anyways, I haven’t heard any follow up from him this morning to see how I am doing. I know I would be calling him in the same situation. Am I being unreasonable and having too much of a high expectation or being too sensitive to think he should call to see how I am? Many times I have called him in the mornings and wished him a good day and sometimes a call just to say I love him. He hasn’t. The majority of the times that he calls is at night. He’s too busy for a short call I guess. I’ve brought it up to him and he said he would try to become more comfortable calling me during the day. I told him that comment felt strange. We should be at a more comfortable place now for calling during the day. Am I being too needy? It is a long distance relationship and we haven’t met so why is this not happening? I would love it if he would do this. Instead he writes me in a chat and sends me songs from spotify which is great, but nothing like the voice and seeing the person. I feel this is much better. It feels right and normal to me. Your thoughts? Am I being too demanding?

    #373019
    Suomilainen
    Participant

    Anita I just want to see the best in him and hold onto what is good just like he is with me. But you’re right nothing good can come of spending the rest of my life feeling this way. I was up all night overthinking things feeling empty and lonely. I just wrote him this.

    Anita you are an amazing person. Thank you for indulging me in my situation and issues. This world needs more people like you. I need a friend like you as for a long while I haven’t had any.

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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>Good morning! Thank you so much for sharing your story last night. I always look forward to learning more about you! You have a gift and I’m so happy that you’re regenerating your passion for writing as you need to share it with the world. You will be a success no doubt and I will always be supportive when and if you need it.</div>
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    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”><i class=”separator-2nZzUB” aria-hidden=”true”></i>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>Honestly, I 100% understand if you are feeling like you need to investigate me further to see if we are compatible in all areas. Last night I was doing a lot of thinking about what I would like to have in a relationship.</div>
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    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>I believe that being best friends first and a couple second make for a strong relationship, long-term. You are the one that I would love to have this type of relationship with. My ex used to say you’re ^&**&^ stupid. Now I would just say to him that he’s **&^&* proof. Yes, I was not so smart in staying, but I’m finally learning what I want in life.</div>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>My body and soul knew he was toxic but my mind was so jumbled up until I met you. You were my breath of fresh air and I knew from the moment I met you that you were a gem.</div>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I know I’ve got to just let go of my insecurities and become thicker skinned.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800734580948205588″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800734580948205588″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>But I will not apologize for being sensitive as that is who I have always been.</div>
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    </div>
    <div id=”chat-messages-800735726778056756″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800735726778056756″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>With your help, I was able to stop letting my ex who did so little for our family control and abuse so much of me and for that I am eternally grateful.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800738125566967819″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y groupStart-23k01U wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800738125566967819″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>Anyways, I digress. I can feel that you’re probably rolling your eyes and heaving a big sigh right now lol. But I just wanted to let you know that if I didn’t truly love you I wouldn’t be bothering with all of this right now. I am so thankful and appreciative of your support, having my back during my departure, helping to save me and my son from a serious situation.</div>
    </div>
    <div id=”chat-messages-800738515151355945″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800738515151355945″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I know you’re big on no expectations and taking what you can get. I’m trying to get there.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800741321027354674″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y groupStart-23k01U wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800741321027354674″>
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    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>But I think some expectations are healthy as long as they are not unrealistic. I know that unrealistic expectations in relationships can kill a relationship.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800743419973992459″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y groupStart-23k01U wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800743419973992459″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>(Sorry the internet keeps cutting out. ) Maybe this fundamental belief of mine does not coincide with yours? What I’m trying to get at is I feel I’m not worth getting to know more about.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800743791198863420″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800743791198863420″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I’m not saying that I don’t deserve to have someone who is truly interested in me. What I mean is that in a healthy relationship, I believe that each person needs to feel truly loved and that interest in one another is mutual/reciprocal.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800745067488608276″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800745067488608276″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I hope that I make you feel that way. I know I haven’t been easy to deal with these last 4 months. Unfortunately, I apologize way too much. But I just want you to know that I realize my behaviour and am in the process of fixing it.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800746799589490739″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800746799589490739″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>Is anything I else I can do other than not telling you how you feel or see me? Maybe overthinking and overanalyzing everything? I do this to avoid getting hurt, to find happiness, to think about every possible situation to get through all the issues with my dignity and respect intact this time while making sure that you know I love you dearly for who you are right now.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800747001015828491″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800747001015828491″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I want to be in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh, and to make good memories. Not to be constantly upset, to feel hurt, and to cry and to cause stress and be a burden to you.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800747208415772682″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800747208415772682″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I think it was Shakespeare that said he always felt happy because he didn’t expect anything from anyone because they always hurt and life is short.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800747721840394321″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800747721840394321″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>But I’m not afraid of any expectations that you may have of me. I want to make this work, so if I’m falling short, if you are still interested, just tell me.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800747814568984607″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800747814568984607″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I know I overthink, but then I tend to over-love lol</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800749159312785468″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800749159312785468″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>Anyways, it’s time for me to just be happy because for the majority of my life I was sad, angry and overthinking things to try to make my marriage work with someone who was not interested in anything but treating his family as possessions and punching bags and was extremely self-absorbed where we 90% of the time had to do what he wanted which for the most part I fought against but never won with him. That will never happen again.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800749656279482438″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800749656279482438″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I so want this to work. I want to let things flow and come naturally. To for once in a very long while have a positive, mutually inspiring relationship that is not one-sided. Where love, passion, respect, and equality are present because that is when peace and harmony will reign for the first time in my life (and that of my son). To me love is action, and everything else is words.<time class=”edited-3sfAzf” role=”note” datetime=”2021-01-18T15:49:04.626Z” aria-label=”Monday, 18 January 2021 10:49″>(edited)</time></div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800749909086830642″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800749909086830642″>
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    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”><i class=”separator-2nZzUB” aria-hidden=”true”></i>This is my major goal after looking inward and seeing what I need to fix and come to terms with in myself, gaining that inner peace, love, and acceptance first.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800749979513520166″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800749979513520166″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I already know what I want at the end of this and that is you.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800750281222651944″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800750281222651944″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>
    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I called you last night because I am concerned that my behaviour over the last few months has been crazy and that has diminished your interest.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800750624840351795″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800750624840351795″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I’m not sure what type of relationship we have now, if it’s heading into friend territory because action-wise that’s what I see. But then words are contrary. There’s a disconnect and I’m confused.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800752909909753907″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y groupStart-23k01U wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800752909909753907″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>As you are now writing more and unearthing your passion, can I ask if you will have time for a relationship or will this be a hinderance? I would never want to stand in your way and will bow out as I only want the best for you. It would just be nice to know this in advance.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800755228826664990″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y groupStart-23k01U wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800755228826664990″>
    <div class=”contents-2mQqc9″ role=”document”>Anyways, sorry for the novel. I’ve got to get to work! Be happy today Kultaseni and keep smiling. Know that I’ll be thinking of you today wishing you were here beside me. One day I hope we can be unstoppable and live a life together with mutual love, respect, inspiration, fidelity, and of course passion! One day, I hope to wake up in the middle of the night feeling you beside me. I would wake you up just to kiss you deeply and hold you and make you feel the love I have for you.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800755372561662002″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800755372561662002″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>My sister sent me this.</div>
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    <div id=”chat-messages-800755676246573066″ class=”message-2qnXI6 cozyMessage-3V1Y8y wrapper-2a6GCs cozy-3raOZG zalgo-jN1Ica” tabindex=”-1″ role=”listitem” data-list-item-id=”chat-messages___chat-messages-800755676246573066″>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>And I agree with her…</div>
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    <div class=”markup-2BOw-j messageContent-2qWWxC”>I love you.</div>
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