HI Felix

You have proved that you will face and deal with life as it shows up so it is likely that you will continue to do so. Not only do you deal with life as it shows up but endeavor to learn from the experiences and do better as you can.  Well done!

When I think of the ask that we love our neighbor as ourselves this is how I feel we love ourselves – Be accountable,  set healthy boundaries, do our best, learn from our experiences, do better when we can and grow. What more can we ask of ourselves and hope for others?

“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” ― Søren Kierkegaard

I wonder if when your are punishing yourself for your past if not much of your pain isn’t coming from  imagining how life might have been, if only, if only, if only? It isn’t the past that your punishing yourself for but a imagined future that cannot be. I suspect this is what Buddhism suggests that we be present. The past and future shaped my memory, and memory is a trickster more often then creating illusion.

No matter how many times life has knocked you down you have gotten up. This in my opinion redeems much that you might now in hindsight label failures, disappointments… I suspect most the things your beating yourself up about are things you would not do again today and at the time of those incidents your were doing your best with the skills and awareness you had at the time.

Love yourself as I suspect you love others, by giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.

Their is a Buddhist practice I read about that suggests that whenever you meet someone one first give them a gift. The gift may be something physical or it may be a silent blessing. The intention is that doing so you will be more likely to start the engagement with a starting place of compassion. I found that the best gift I could give was acknowledging their humanness. How difficult it is to be a reasonable good human being even to those we care about the most. What I found helpful was to also reflect the gift back onto myself.

Be kind to yourself
Pieter

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Peter.