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What would you like to hold on to after meditation? Do you think its possible to train yourself to love unconditionally and wish everyone’s well being? I am not sure how much you have gone into the question of meditation and I apologise if I say something that offends you, I am not sure by just saying or feeling that you send unconditional love, you actually do it. There is a true feeling and there is a heart filled with the things of the mind, aka same thinking disguised as feeling, wanting to feel something, aka illusion… most people start meditating without understanding themselves or how their minds work much first. I am talking out of my own experience. I spent 2 years meditating, reading and educating myself, even joined a Sangha and attended 2 a week group meditation. I was calm and content…that is on the surface, but deep down I was still boiling… and as soon as i stopped meditating, realised how much I was engaging in self-illusion. And i must understand what meditation actually is first.
Having said that, I am not saying meditating as most people do it doesn’t offer temporary relief or feeling good about life or yourself. but it is all that is-temporary and illusionary.
Some peace of mind comes only when you just no longer fear to look into the mirror and see yourself as you are, not as you WANT TO BE. that is the starting point.
I spent 3-4 years in total now without meditating and i think maybe soon when covid is over, i will be ready. I plan to try both Zazen and Vipassana (retreats) and incorporate one into my daily life.