Dear TeaK,

No worries with your questions, just that I feel I’ve been away from “the memory one” (if I categorise the times as 2018 = memory one/2019 and so on) for quite some time, and I got somewhat reluctant to reminisce about it at first, but please understand that, I suppose it’d be necessary for me to go back to fully heal myself and I appreciate your willingness to discuss the matter here with me.

The relationship was secretive (because no family or friends were introduced in person, but he took me to both his parents and sister’s houses when no one was there) yet “public” (we went out and did things together). Other reasons that I didn’t say anything about the relationship status: my stay in his country was short-term, and with his already made statement, I didn’t want to look clingy or so.

During the time when we were together, there were deep conversations and I could talk better, and he’s the one who showed more affections. He started to get distant after the reunion (which was fine still). The last video chat ended after he said I’d made him responsible (I couldn’t hold my tears because I missed him even without addressing it). Later in the msgs, he suggested me have more than 1 lover to avoid being stuck. Ever since then, I’ve tried to withdraw and move on. Although the above just made me a little sad, I’m proud that I no longer feel like crying frequently like I was.

And yes, it was me who said “only in a marriage can you ask for something” (he commented something like “everyone can ask for something in a relationship, but the other can decide whether he or she agrees to it”), somehow I think only marriage empowers the couple to demand/request what he or she wants/expects, maybe it’s because it’s formal? As for my idea about marriage, I believe it’s related to my parents’ terrible divorce, but I’ve stopped claiming that it’s all their fault. I don’t mind having a partner for life, just “getting married” is totally unnecessary for me, the most important thing is being faithful/loyal. Now it seems weird to me for how infidelity scares me off as it has nothing to do with my parents’ divorce!

Finally, I’d like to bring up a question since I’m quite afraid of being a third party without knowing it in the future… How to tell if a man’s single? I mean, if one wants to lie about his relationship or marital status, I can be sensitive and observant, but :/