Dear miyoid,

Has your boyfriend moved out? You mentioned he was planning to do so on Thursday…

“It seems like the care and support/love that my boyfriend offers is not enough, it’s like I need more and more. Everytime he acts kindly to me, I feel that longing over and over again. I desperately need that attention, but I have hard time receiving that attention. I’m not sure how I feel about myself not deserving or deserving, it sometimes feels like I deserve more love than I actually receive.”

“Right now I am feeling as vulnerable/weak as a very thin glass. I feel like I cannot continue my life without him.”

Dear miyoid, I understand you because I used to feel similarly, like I can’t live without my boyfriend. And when I wasn’t in a relationship, I felt a huge longing for love and an emptiness inside of me. I felt like an orphan, longing to be loved and taken care of. And I felt helpless and hopeless without someone to meet that need of mine. That was a long time ago. Since then, I’ve learned that I am capable of loving myself and giving myself love. At first, it was hard, because I felt like a dried-out well, so how can I possibly love myself?

I don’t know if you believe in a higher power, but what helped me was that I asked Jesus to come to my heart, because without his love, I would perish. It was a very powerful meditation, in which I felt Jesus’ love pouring into my heart and filling the void that I felt there. After that, I could feel for the first time that I can be the source of love, that I can give love too, and not just receive it.

So for me, it took a higher power to give me that first “portion” of love and open my heart, and also to make me feel that I am lovable, and that love can flow through me. That I am a conduit of love.

From then on, everything changed. I stopped feeling like an orphan and depending on others to give me love. I could survive without their love. It doesn’t mean I don’t need others, far from that, just that I am much less needy in a relationship. I believe that if you could get in touch with that inner source of love – which is definitely there – things will dramatically change for you too.

“She prescribed him all those heavy meds and told that the therapy would start after their effects start as well. Then he started to experience these tantrums or mental breakdowns even more often. It was like the tantrums got heavier day by day.”

I am sorry that your boyfriend didn’t get proper help, on the contrary it seems the medicine he got made his symptoms even worse. And then the psychotherapist didn’t respond to his texts and just left him hanging. Very unprofessional of her 🙁 I do hope that he finds someone better, at least that he manages to find one therapist who will consistently engage with him and help him stabilize.

As for your job, it’s good that you don’t want to keep doing it for a long time, but just temporarily, until you can save some money. But I suggest you give yourself a time limit, and to leave as soon as possible.