Dear Eva,

I’ll start with your last question:

“Is there really not a way for us to be together? it’s not that hard isn’t it?”

Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be such a complicated situation. If the two of you really cared about each other, and you’ve clicked perfectly, as you say, having exes in your social circle wouldn’t be such an insurmountable problem. It might be uncomfortable at first, but with time those exes (and your other friends) would get used to the idea that the two of you are together, and if they don’t, you could always stop hanging out with them, I’d imagine.

However, your boyfriend is making it complicated, and there might be more reasons. One is that he probably still has feelings for his ex. He denied it, saying they were just friends, but if he was secretly seeing her while the two of you were dating, if he now isn’t sure that he doesn’t want to get back to her, and he’s making fun of you in front of her – well, all those are signs that he still has feelings for her. Regardless of how much the two of you clicked.

The other reason, which he gives, is that he feels awkward about having exes in your friends circle, not just his ex, but apparently your ex too (although he sees him only three times a year). He says it’s “not moral”. Considering that he still has feelings for his ex, he’s probably more concerned about his ex and that it’s not “moral” towards her, rather than your ex. Although he might feel guilty for having “betrayed” his friend, since they were best friends before. So that may play into his feeling of “being immoral”.

You said:

“But, we sat down one day and talked about all the chances how we can be together or how is it possible. Sadly, we couldn’t find a reasonable idea how to be free in a relationship because one of the mutual friends from the group of friends from my previous ex was his ex. “

That was before it turned out he still might have feelings for his ex girlfriend. Were you okay hanging around with her, or it bothered you already then? Or it was mostly him who said it would be impossible to behave freely with you when she’s around?

Did you then keep your relationship secret for those 6 months, or how did it play out?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Tee.