@NBC I’m super glad my advice has helped. Yes,  it’s time to let go.

I don’t believe he was just after sex. I think he was after an escape and the benefits of a relationship. Emotional understanding, the warmth, the cuddles all the things he was deprived of in his actual relationship. When shit hit the fan he knew he had you. He was cold enough to use you in that way. He like many men didn’t understand that for majority of women spending that quality time causes them to feel more attached and fall. Whereas men can compartmentalise and remove themselves and go back to playing happy families. He clearly never had any intent of commitment to you. You were just an escape and he was able to live out his fantasies.

Him asking you are you his, was probably empty words and breadcrumbs to fluff you up.

The old saying goes why buy the cow if you can milk it for free. He used you. He took advantage of you and was opportunistic. He knew you’d offer him a place to sleep etc.

I do think you can learn to set stricter boundaries and never get caught up in a triangle. It always will end up with you hurt.

Can I ask just out of curiosity and no judgement, did the fact he was married still and not officially divorced not send red flags and deter you?

You were a single agent but he embarked on emotional affair cheating on his wife. In essence emotionally cheating on you too everytime he would think or be with his wife.

Can you see that this is not healthy. That you deserve so much more than to be an afterthought, an option.
I’m glad you knew for yourself you wouldn’t have sex with a married man. Even if you wanted to. Its just not worth it for a few minutes of lust.

What worries me is the fact you said you supposedly gave green lights by offering him a space to say. Always remember consent!!! He has no right to assume you will have sex until he has gained consent. I.e. if you have a Netflix and chill date doesn’t mean sex is guaranteed, if you go for dinner he pays doesn’t mean sex is guaranteed for him. If you kiss and cuddle doesn’t mean he can automatically assume you will give him sex. Any man you are with if a gentleman will gain consent.

If he was of sane mind as he claims or self aware enough to know what he was doing and knew you weren’t the right one but continued anyway then that’s wrong on so many levels, he is ROYALLY MESSED UP.
That’s cold, cruel and calculated. If you have room in your heart, you can forgive for your own healing but you should never let that happen again or trust him.

Yes an authority does exist that can tell you if NBC version 21 is different. That’s you. Have you changed? Grown? Made improvements for YOURSELF? You are in control of your self worth and esteem. Don’t seek validation from others.

Don’t rush your process but do make positive movements towards change. Staying stuck in hopes of the past are never healthy or good. I hope this interaction with your B makes the interest wane and you move on to find your next adventure.

The fact you are questioning why he can’t turn to you for an ego boost shows how little value you have for yourself. Come on you deserve so much better than that! You deserve to be chosen.

The reason why you didn’t call him out entirely for your pain and tell him you were hurt is because a part of you didn’t want to rock the boat, you still had or have that glimmer of hope that you didn’t want to dash. You didn’t want to give him a reason.

He is by the sounds of it a coward who can’t admit his accountability by himself. He is the type of guy who doesn’t ever leave you when he knows he doesn’t want you long term, and in the end offers the typical “you deserve better” to just look like the good guy.

He hurt you. I’m sorry you got hurt. But you know what you are in control of how you let that hurt define you. You can let it cut you deep and wallow in self pity or be determined to never let someone hurt you again by loving yourself and moving on.

I’m sorry if a lot of what I said is very blunt but I think sometimes the hard truths are what push us to level up and better our own lives and selves x