Thank you Sammy for your response, I was in two minds whether to or not but I suppose it does help to write it out, I’ve not dealt with this situation well at all and have similar mindsets to others situations, I must say you was an inspiration in how you went from how you first felt to taking control for your own self worth something I’m sorry to say I have failed at.

I’ll briefly summarise, I’m currently going through all the stages of anxiety, sleep issues etc., and I’m trying to handle it as best I can but I am finding it difficult at the moment.

I’ve been seeing someone on and off now for nearly 2 years and I deeply care about this person but it’s seems to have got to the point now where i really have to face up to the fact its gone as far it goes, I’ve never felt connection to someone this strong even when I was in a committed 2 year relationship before.

She has a very hectic life with 3 children and I’m pretty much responsibility free living at home, she has had cold feet a few times and wanted to stop but after nc had been initiated, she will still reach out, always unsure, anyway we was both going through a rough time back in September so agreed to call it a day, I didn’t really want this but the intimacy had stopped, I had been made redundant and was suffering from depression and she was also not in a good place due to a bereavement, she reached out once when she heard I had got a new job which I ignored because I didn’t want any distraction whilst I was getting back on my feet, anyway I have sorted my life out now, changed my career and earning a decent salary and generally in a good place, she started contact again over Christmas to catch up and had a good phone call and I thought this was going to be a chance to start over, anyway we agreed meet up and sleep together but after we did she said she just doesn’t have the feeling to carry it on anymore, I was devastated to say the least but to be honest didn’t have much expectation, she has given so many reasons over the last 2 years why she is unsure I don’t know which one is true, I should of left it at that but have been still talking hoping something will come if it, she’s back on dating sites as well although she has done this when we’ve stop speaking before, we have met up for a walk a couple of times and first time she still seemed unsure and we kissed but since then just become cold and openly admitted she is talking to other ppl and for my sake it’s best we just don’t have any contact anymore which to be be honest I should have initiated.

It’s embarrassing writing this and how I’m tolerating this behaviour but it kinda feels normal now and I’m used to it, I just can’t seem to let go even though this time I am thinking I need to move on as I deserve a hell of lot better, I’ve been there for this girl for anything and not much I wouldn’t do for her, I will say I don’t regret anything because I have changed so many things in my life for the better and i have changed my outlook in life.

Sorry if this is all over the place it’s difficult to write everything down when so much as happened, I haven’t even said the half of it because I could probably write a book, I’m not even sure why I’m posting this all because I know how it is, but it’s difficult to talk to ppl close to me because I feel like a burden talking about it when it has been going on so long, I know it’s my self esteem and it’s so low but I didn’t have any to start with so I’m just trying to cling onto a toxic situation