Dear Neverdyed,

no worries, take your time 🙂

I must admit I had trouble understanding parts of your post, for example this:

“And I tried to see if I’d avoid interacting with my married male colleague, the result seemed to be no, probably because I’m aware that nothing can develop between.”

Have you interacted with you married male colleague, or you’ve avoided interacting? What was the nature of this interaction – romantic or just friendship?

“Can there be a friendship which I keep in touch with somebody without leading to a formal romantic relationship?”

Are you asking if there can be a friendship between a man and a woman without it turning into a romantic relationship?

“These days I’ve been so over the “connection” or the idea of reconciliation (even though I’m sure that I will neither initiate nor respond to him further), it still upset me a little when reading something suggesting a third party.”

Are you saying it upsets you that he was seeing other women as well, and not just you?

It seems you’re having a hard time letting him go, and it means you still need something from him. In my previous post, I asked you what is it that you need from him, and I speculated that if might not even be love, but respect. That’s because you seemed quite disturbed about him not replying to your chats, suggesting that it means he doesn’t value you as much as you do him (“in the last contacts, I noticed that he’d respond in rather long hours (please note again that in the first year, he replied quickly and almost daily), which is opposite to what I often did, and that shows an imbalance of how I and he values the connection. Maybe I simply expect to be valued equally.“).

By him not replying, he showed he values you less, and this seems to be the most painful part for you.

“Can you please give me an example of “start valuing yourself”?”

Valuing yourself may manifest in e.g. not accepting an open relationship but looking for men who are capable of a committed relationship. Valuing yourself can also mean expressing your needs in a relationship and not keeping quiet, fearing that your needs might be selfish.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Tee.