@Jay2023

Jay mate, I know you addressed Sammy but reading your last post, let me tell you anything is achievable with the right mind-set. Once you believe in the concept of positive manifestation, you can move forward in so many ways.

First thing first bro, if you want to really heal it’s time to make the cut. Maybe in the future you can contact her again when you realise why it all happened and be amiable and friendly. But right now you need to stay strong, and keep away from following her on SM, messaging her and adhere to no contact. You’ve already had “the talk” she made it clear you weren’t on the same page. So don’t get stuck.

I think you learning to NOT compare yourself to your siblings or others is a perfect place you can begin your self loving journey.

Tell yourself everyone has their own timing. Society has fed us this pipe dream, pressurised us so much that we end up believing if we don’t have the house, kid, partner by age X then we are somehow a failure.

Once you decide to live by your own values, be authentic to who you are, that is what will make you fulfilled and content.

So who are you? What are your values? How do you want to be remembered? Do you really have a strong sense of self if not discover yourself first. Dislikes, likes, what components represent you and your beliefs.
Then you begin to look at what you want, what do you need in a partnership? Do you offer that to yourself? If no, improve it. If yes, value it in yourself, so you seek better and don’t accept less.

You could do what I did start from scratch. I showed courage and compassion and went back to some exes (A,B,C) and my ex best mate, had honest frank conversations about my feelings. How they made me feel, I had suppressed the pain I felt as well as the pain I caused. I let go of the bitterness, I asked for forgiveness from those I wronged, I made amends to the people I hurt,  not by just saying sorry but actively proving it to them. Words come easy, taking action and stepping up is real courage. I stopped blaming myself and shaming myself. I self forgave and taught myself to be kinder to me. God my soul felt good. Then I shone, I did my best to be the best and show the good others saw in me. I won back the loml- someone I never knew I could love this much.

It came from maturing, valuing real qualities over physical intimacy and attraction. I build our castle on strong foundations by changing my patterns,behaviour etc. I am genuinely the happiest man right now. If it all goes pear shaped, then I know I will have no regrets. Thats what life is living with no excuses, no regrets.

Happiness can’t be found in an object,a person or place it is found inside us. Our souls feel better when we reconnect with who we are rather than who we are pretending to be.

Authenticness and strengthening emotional intelligence so you are equipped to deal and cope with problems which inevitably arise is the key.

‘B’ and are the same but also very different. For example we both are very romantic, heart on sleeve. She was authentic to that. I was running from my softer side due toxic masculinity.

My morals were slightly different but we compromised for one another whilst agreeing on the crucial ones; loyalty,no cheating etc

Bro , 35 is not too late for anything. Its never too late as long as you’re living. Go find a woman who is mad about you and wants to grow old with you, wants to accept all of you. The ones who play hard to get, keep you on edge, entice the chase will keep playing you because they don’t know who they are either or what they want. You grow tired of sucked up in games and spewed out when they get bored.